A Crumb's Worth
by Heroine of the Valley
Summary: Takato is thiking of a perfect way to ask Jeri out to a special event. However, he's getting the feeling that something is bothering Jeri. Will he be able to find it out before it's too late?
1. Thinking

**A Crumb's Worth**

**1: Thinking**

_I do not own Digimon._

A formal dance was coming up in a few weeks and Takato had his heart on asking Jeri to it.  He knew he wanted to take her somewhere special the day became friends.  They were growing closer each day.  Takato, however, felt some distance between them. As if there wasn't anything she was telling him, or anyone else.  She had a good job of hiding it whatever it was.  Still Takato thought Jeri already knew she could tell him anything.  Takato was very concerned for Jeri.  For days, he wondered how he was going to take Jeri to this special event, how he was going to ask her.  It wasn't that he was nervous or shy.  He was never nervous around Jeri.  He felt so calm, just so good when he was around her and he could tell her anything that was on his mind.  It had to be a special, creative, not just the usual, "hey, wanna go?" That would probably be Kazu or Ryo's way of asking a girl out, but not Takato.  Not when he was planning on taking Jeri--The one girl he grew closer to than anyone.  He wanted to ask her in a way that she'd remember.  He just had to, when she had been through so much.

Takato looked over at Jeri in homeroom--history.  It was the one class he had with her.  He had Henry and the other guys in his gym class.  In his math class there was Rika and Ryo, and Henry, and Kazu was in the same English class as him.  In his art class, he was alone.  

Jeri was seated far across the room.  Takato groaned.  'Stupid seating assignment,' he thought.  They weren't always separated like this.  She used to be seated right behind him.  All the time, they'd talk about anything and everything.  The teacher moved Jeri because they talked too much, too loud and not of history mostly.  Jeri also helped Takato on every assignment.  Takato found himself staring at Jeri. He just couldn't' help it.  As he was looking at her, she was doing what every student should be doing at school--working.  She had one hand over her book and she wrote down her notes into her notebook.  Here hair fell down into her eyes and Takato just wanted to push it back behind her ears.  If it weren't for the new seating arrangement, he would have.  So what if they talked too much.   She was his friend.  Aren't friends supposed to be able to talk, any time, anywhere?  He hated that someone interfered in being near her.

Jeri felt someone eyes on her and she looked over at Takato.  Of course, she didn't have to look anywhere else because she was certain it was Takato.  He was the only boy she believed would find interest in a kooky girl like her.  When Jeri's eyes met Takato's, he leaned back and waved.  She smiled faintly and continued jotting down her notes.  Takato tried to work on his own notes, but he couldn't.  

Takato had to find a cool way to ask her out.  The dance was next week and other guys already had dates. Takato wanted everything to be perfect.  Jeri deserved it.  Takato almost had an idea and then, the bell rang and the idea left his head before it even came.

'Darn!' he wanted to say as he gathered his books and put them in his backpack.  He glanced at Jeri and she was beginning to walk out of the door.  But it was strange because they always left history class together, even after the teacher moved Jeri.  He hurried to get up to her. "Jeri, wait up!"

Jeri looked over her shoulder, "Takato."

"Hey, wait for me."  He came to her side and put his arm around her shoulders.  "I'll walk to you to your next class."

"Takato, it's in a different hall than yours," she told him.  "And mine is just a few rooms down.  It's no big deal, really.  I can get to chemistry just fine."

"That never stopped me before."

"You'll be late."

"Not if we hurry," he said, grinning.  He kept his arm around her shoulders and they continued to her next class.  "So, is it okay if I stop by your family's restaurant tonight?"

"Tired of bread?" she teased.

Takato tried to hide his blushing, "well, yeah."

"I just think it's our famous sandwiches and milkshakes you like," she smiled.  

"Will you be there?" he questioned, "tonight I mean?"

"Of course," she replied.  "I'm there a lot."

"Well, good," Takato said.  "I'll see you there then."

"Sure," Jeri whispered.  "See ya."

Takato patted her shoulder as she stepped into her chemistry class.  Jeri smiled.  "You might wanna run to your PE class."

Takato waved and went to his next class.  He had just one minute until the bell rang and he needed to be dressed down before it rings.  As he got into the gym, he broke into a run to the locker room and he passed the teacher, who gave him an unhappy look.  Takato pulled off his backpack and started to do the combination to his lock.

"You're late, Takato," muttered an already dressed Henry, leaning against his locker with crossed arms.  He was never tardy for _any_ class.

"I am not," Takato said, opening his locker and pulling off his shirt.  "The bell hasn't rung yet."  He took off his leather shoes.

"It will in just few seconds," Kenta noted.

"You have to be dressed down before it rings," Henry said and the bell rang.  A lot of the boys that were already dressed walked out into the gymnasium.

"Oh, you do?" questioned a bare-chested Kazu.  "WHOOPS!" He broke out into high laughter.  

"So, what took you, Takato?" Henry demanded.

"I walked Jeri to her next class," Takato replied as if Henry shouldn't have asked.  "I always do.

"Ah, how sweet, Takato!" Ryo teased.

Takato glared at Ryo and put on his PE shorts.

"No wonder you're always late," Kazu commented, grinned and winked.

"Kazu!" Takato gasped.  "It wasn't like that…"

"Sure…and I just walk Teresa, Bambi and all those other chicks to their class too."  He nodded, "Anything you say, Takato."

Kenta raised an eyebrow and Kazu's remark and shook his head.  "You do walk her to next class a lot.  What is it, chemistry? It's just a few rooms down from your history class."

"I know," Takato said, "but, I just like doing it.  Besides, we don't have much time to talk to each other now that Mr. Hirokei split us apart."

"Oh, no!" Kazu gasped.  "No more staring contests for you, Takato!"

"Kazu, cut it out!" Takato roared.

"I'm going out before Mr. Ishida makes me do extra pushups," Henry muttered, walking by them.

"Oh, I don't know, Henry," Kazu joked, "You can sure use 'em."

Henry made a face and walked on out to the gym.  Ryo followed, "I'll tell Mr. Ishida you guys will be out in a sec."

"Thanks," Takato said.

"I don't think you should walk her to chemistry anymore, Takato," Kenta said.  

"Why not?" Takato demanded.  "I can just hurry to PE."

"Well, I mean…you can walk out with her after history.  Her Chemistry class isn't even on the way here."

"For once, I can agree with Kenta," Kazu said, pulling on his PE shirt.

"Hey!" Kenta shouted.  

"I mean, how are you supposed to explain to Mr. Ishida that you're late all because of a girl?"

"All I did was walk Jeri to her next class!" Takato snapped, putting on the last PE articles, his tennis shoes. "Besides, I think there's something bothering Jeri."

"What do you mean?" Kenta asked.  "I never picked up on anything."

"Kenta, that's because you know nothing about girls."  Kazu said.

Kenta face-faulted.  "Wh-what?!  Well, I bet you didn't notice anything about Jeri, either!"

"Men, out now!"  Mr. Ishida ordered.  "Before I make you do extra laps!  PLACES!"

"Coming, Mr. Ishida!" Kenta shouted as he, Kazu and Takato hurried out of the locker room.  Takato stepped on his untied shoelaces and tripped.

"Ow!" he shouted.  "Dang…forgot to tie my shoes!" He got up to tie them and followed Kenta and Kazu out.  Just as Takato got out of the locker room, Mr. Ishida stepped in front of him.

"Mr. Masuta, is there a reason why you're always late to class?" he demanded.

"I always come in before the bell rings," Takato said innocently.

"That may work for your other classes," the teacher went on, "but not for gym class.  You must be dressed down before the bell rings and I don't even want to see your shoelaces untied, understood?"

"Y-yes sir."

"Now to your spot for warm ups."

"Yes sir."

Takato went to his spot, behind Henry.  Henry turned around.  "So, what Mr. Ishida want?"

"Why I'm late to class."

"Did you tell him?"

Takato shook his head.  

"For what it's worth," Henry said, turning back around, "I think Jeri will understand if you don't walk her to chemistry anymore."

"Yeah," Takato mumbled, "maybe."

"Jumping jacks!" the teacher ordered.  "1-2--"

Continuing the rest of class, Takato wondered about Jeri.  Though he was doing everything in class like he should, running, jumping jacks, pushups, hockey, it was not like he was there.  His body was, but his mind was somewhere else.  Maybe she will understand if he didn't walk her to class anymore, but he didn't want her to be alone anymore than what was needed.  Something wasn't right.  What was bothering Jeri? And why wasn't she telling Takato?

He had to wait until lunch to see her again and that was hours away.

"Whoa, what a work out!" Ryo cried, throwing his arms in the air.  "Huh?"  He smelt his armpit.  "Man…I need a shower."

"Race ya," Kazu challenged, ripping off his shirt.  

"You're on."

Kazu and Ryo made a race into who can take their clothes off the fastest.  

"What's up, Takato?" Kenta asked, sitting on a bench to take off his shoes.

"Huh?"  Takato mumbled.  "What?  Kenta, did you say something?"

"Are you okay?" Kenta questioned.

"Yeah, sure."

"Well, you have been acting like you've been somewhere else," Henry said, taking off his shirt.  "What's the matter?"

"I win!" Ryo shouted, running to the showers with a towel in hand.

"No way, you cheated!" Kazu shouted.  Takato shook his head as Kazu and Ryo went to the showers.  

"Henry, Jeri's in your math class, right?"

"Yeah.  Algebra 1."

"I hate Algebra," Kenta muttered.

"Have you, um, ever noticed something different about her?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, do you sit next to her?" Takato asked.

"No, she's in the same row as I am.  I'm in the back and she's in the front."

"So, has she said anything to you?" Takato asked, taking off his shirt to apply deoderate.  He didn't perspire enough to take a shower now and he'd just take one when he got home.  He wanted to make sure what was bothering Jeri.

"Like what?"

"Is there something bothering her?" Takato asked.  "I'm worried about her."

Henry shrugged, "well, she works hard.  And she says hi to me in every class.  So if there is something bothering her, she is doing a heck of a job covering it up."

"Jeri's in my creative writing class," Kenta said suddenly.

"She is?" Takato gasped.

"Yeah.  But like I said earlier, I haven't noticed a difference in Jeri."

"Are you sure?"

"Well," Kenta said, "we did have to write a sad poem for class and read it aloud.  Jeri's well, was very sad.  She must be a very good poet or something must really be bothering her."

"What was it about?"

"Leomon's death?" Henry suggested.

"No, I don't think anyone would understand that," Kenta said.  "Her poem was about, well, being alone, helpless and _suicide._"

"She wrote a suicidal poem?!" Takato shrieked.

"Or maybe it was just death."  Kenta added quickly.  "I am not exactly sure.  Her poem made me cry."

"I don't Jeri would write something so sad," Henry said, "even if she is.  She doesn't want anyone to worry about her."

"Yeah, but something's not right," Takato whispered.  "There's something she's holding back but--I thought she already knew she could tell us anything."

"If you want me to," Kenta said, "I can ask for a copy of her poem. I have her next period."

"You could?" 

"Yeah, sure."

"I'll talk to her," Henry said, "maybe it's just schoolwork or something."

"WHOO!" Ryo yelled, walked out of the showers with a towel around his waist.  "That was good.

"Ryo, you wouldn't happen to have Jeri in any of your classes," Takato asked, "would you?"

"No," he replied, "why?"

"Takato thinks there's something bothering her," Henry answered for him.

"Maybe she's still not over Leomon's death," Ryo shrugged.

"Yeah," Kazu added, stepping behind Ryo.  "And being possessed with the D-Reaper.  That would leave _anyone_ not feeling the same."  He shrugged, "but I have her in study hall and she's never told me anything."

"I'm sure Jeri's fine," Kenta said.  "If there was something wrong, she'd tell us."

"Yeah," Takato mumbled.  "Sure.  I hope so."  
*****

The bell rang for the next period and the boys left for their next classes.  Just like Kenta had told Takato, he was going to get a copy of Jeri's poem.  As soon as Jeri walked in and sat down, Kenta got up from his desk, walked to hers and squatted down.  

"Hey, Jeri," Kenta said, "remember those poems we read in class last week?"

Jeri nodded.

"Well, I thought it was very moving and I wanted to know if you can give me a copy."

Jeri raised an eyebrow then smiled.  "Um, sure, Kenta. Why not?"  She opened her folder and pulled it out.  "I have it saved on my computer anyway."

"Thanks, Jeri," Kenta said, looking it over.  It was entitled:"Better Alone"

"I think you should send it somewhere," Kenta suggested.

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's very good."  Kenta said.  "Maybe it can get published, you never know."

"Yeah, maybe," Jeri said, "but I don't know if I want everyone to know…"

"Know what?"

Jeri sighed, "nothing."

"Huh?" Kenta mumbled, "Jeri, is there something that happened to you that made you write this poem?"

"We had to write something sad."

"I know, but this poem, it's _too_ sad." Kenta said.  "Is there anything wrong?"

"Everything's…peachy."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"You'll let me know if there's anything I can help, right?"

"Yeah."

Kenta got up and went to his seat.  He read her poem over.

_Better Alone_

_Everyone keeps disappearing on me._

_Is it because I pushed them away?_

_Or they just wanted to be free?_

_What could I have done to make them stay?_

_Sometimes I wonder who I really am._

_Am I really me, or someone else?_

_I feel so helpless._

_So alone._

_Maybe I am better off alone._

_If everyone keeps disappearing._

_And if it would help,_

_Maybe I should disappear too._

_And find out where everyone went._

Kenta bit his lip and wiped his eyes.  He remembered how sorrowful the poem was now.  How was he going to show this to Takato?

**TBC**


	2. Lonely

**A Crumb's Worth **

**Ch 2**

**Lonely **

_Disclaimer: I do not now, nor will I ever own Digimon._

After looking the poem over a few times, Kenta wondered whether he should tell Takato about it.  He didn't want to worry him anymore than he already was.  Maybe there was nothing really bothering Jeri. She probably just wrote it for class.  But Kenta had a nagging feeling.  Jeri was his friend and if there was something wrong, he had to tell Takato, even if it wasn't anything.

Lunch came and Kenta went to sit next to Takato.  

"Takato," Kenta mumbled, giving him the poem, "Jeri's poem."

Takato read it over and his hands got very clammy.  "Oh my gosh," he gasped, "she wrote this?"

Kenta nodded.  "Read it in class too.  But she read it aloud without shedding a tear."

"I gotta talk to her about this," Takato said.

"Wait…maybe it's nothing," Kenta shrugged.  

"I still have to talk to her," Takato insisted.  "I…care about her so much."

"We all do," Kazu added.  "But maybe she just wants to be left alone."  He glanced at the poem, "see, it even says so."

"She's confused, Kazu," Takato grumbled.  "She says she wants to be alone but she really needs someone.  She keeps losing people.  Her mother--Leomon."

"I wonder if there was a death in her family," Henry suggested, joining the others with Rika.

"If there was, she would've told us," Rika told him, "wouldn't she?"

"Something's not right," Takato said.   He saw Jeri walk by him from the corner of his eye.  "Hey, Jeri, come sit with us."

"There's an open seat right next to Takato," Kazu said with a wink.

Jeri hesitated and sat down next to Takato.  She put on a fake smile, "hi everyone."

"Jeri, is there um," Takato began uncertainly, "something on your mind?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, twitching her nose.

Takato swallowed and laid down the poem she gave to Kenta.  "This poem--"

"Oh!" Jeri giggled.  "That.  I was just remembering the time when my mother died, then Leomon."

Kenta let out a sigh, as if he thought Jeri would be angry with him.

"Nothing happened recently?" Takato asked.  "You know, Jeri, you can tell me anything."

"I know," she said. "Thanks Takato."

"You're not mad at me showing it to everyone, are you?" Kenta questioned.

"Oh no!" she shook her head.  "Actually, I've been thinking what you said in class Kenta, and maybe I should send it somewhere."

"Try the school paper," Kazu suggested.  "There's nothing cool in there."

"Hey!" Kenta cried, "I _write_ the school news paper!"

"No wonder it stinks," Kazu muttered with a laugh.

"Hey, Jeri can be in journalism too," Ryo said, "There's what, only two other journalists on the paper?"

"Four," Kenta muttered.

Jeri cocked her head, "that sounds like fun," she said.  "Maybe I'll think about it."

"Really?" Kenta questioned.

"Yeah," she said, "I'll just explain to my parents that I will be a bit late to our family restaurant some days."

"Great!" Kenta said, "You can sign up now if you want.  Right when you're done eating."

They ate and did some small talk.  Jeri was eating spaghetti and she picked up her French bread to mouth.  As she bit into it, Takato stared.  

'Bread,' he thought.  'Jeri loves our bread…hmm' as his brain got cooking, Kazu interrupted him.

"Earth to Takato," Kazu said.

"What is it, Kazu?" Takato demanded hotly.

"Gee, chumly, I just wanted to know if you were gonna eat your brownie."

"Oh, yeah, you can have it," Takato said.

"Yeah," Kazu said, reaching for it.

"Hey, are you ready, Jeri?" Kenta asked, "I am if you are."

"Let me just finish my milk," she said, picking up her carton.  She took a swig, dabbed her mouth with her napkin and dropped it on her empty tray.

Takato looked over her tray.  Some signs of depression were loss of appetite and Jeri was eating fine.  Another sign of depression was overeating and she didn't look like she was overeating either.   Still, why was he getting these vibes that something was wrong? 

 "I think I'll come with you," Takato said, standing up.

"You want to join the journalism club?" Kenta asked in surprise.

Takato shrugged, "hey, why not?  Maybe you guys can use an artist."

"I don't think they want drawings of Guilimon, Takato," Kazu said, licking his fingers.

Takato shook his head and followed Jeri and Kenta to the journalism room to sign up.  This was perfect. He'll get to spend more time with Jeri and if there was something bothering her, she'd open up to him.

Kazu shrugged and reached for Rika's brownie.

"I don't think so, Kazu," she said, slapping his hand away.

****

The rest of the day seemed fine.  If something was bothering Jeri for real, she wouldn't have joined the journalism club and agreed to work on the school paper. She was smiling all the time, but Takato had a bad feeling it was to cover up the hurt inside.  He knew she was through a lot, losing her mother at a young age, having a strict man for a father, losing her digimon, twice--once by abandonment and again by death.  She was the poor soul to pick up a piece of the chaos and bring it home on the ark.  It was her who was the shell carrying the D-reaper.  Poor innocent Jeri, why did it have to be Jeri?  Takato would give himself to be the puppet instead of Jeri.  She didn't deserve to go through that.  Why did the chaos choose her?  It may be gone now, but there had to be a piece still inside, making something wrong.  It was about to drive Takato mad.  He knew Jeri better than anyone in the group.  There was something inside Jeri that wasn't right.  He could feel it.  Even if she was around friends and classmates, it was like she was lonely.

Takato didn't see Jeri after school and he wanted to walk her home.  Maybe she went to the restaurant already.  After stopping at home for a fresh change of clothes and doing his homework, he left for the restaurant as his mother was cooking dinner.

"Takato!" she exclaimed as he left the bakery.

Takato's father smiled, "I think he's going to the Katou's restaurant again.  He must be either tired of bread or he likes their food."

"Or his waitress," she muttered.

"Huh?"

"Jeri, of course.  He's liked her ever since they were in grade school."

"Is there something wrong about that, dear?"

"No, Jeri's a nice girl…I just didn't expect Takato to be interested in girls so soon."

The restaurant was packed which wasn't unusual.  They served great food.  Her brother was walking by with a bus tub with dirty dishes from a dirty table.

"Hey, Masahiko, is you're sister here?" Takato questioned.

"Takato, hi!" he said, "yeah, I just cleaned that table over there," he motioned to a clean table with his head, "sit yourself down.  It's Jeri's section so she'll be your server." He winked and walked into the kitchen.

Takato sat in the table that Masahiko just bussed, pulled out a napkin from the dispenser and he looked at a small menu featuring their specialties.

"Hi, Takato," Jeri sweetly voiced.  "Your usual?"

"Nah, Jeri, I'll take--" Takato looked at Jeri and was stunned.  Jeri looked so beautiful in her waitress uniform, even though he had seen her in it a dozen of times, it still blew him away.  It was light pink and white.  She had on a small black apron and her hair was up in a perky ponytail with a visor.  She had on light makeup and shiny lip-gloss and she smelled like many different things, perfume, cinnamon and bacon just to name a few.  Looking at her now, Takato just wanted to take her into his arms and breathe her in.

Jeri smiled and took the pen from behind her ear to jot down whatever he was about to order.  

"I'll take your, um," he looked at the small menu and held it up, "This…"

"Oh, our Philly cheese steak sandwich," she said, writing it down, "anything else?"

"A cherry soda and--um, small sundae for desert."

"Got it," she said, "I'll be back with your soda in a few." She turned to the back.

"Oh and Jeri--" he began but it was too late.  He wanted to ask if she would get a break soon so that they could sit and talk.  Another waitress passed Takato's table.

"Excuse me miss," Takato said.

"Oh, would you like to order, Hun?" she asked, "I can take your order if you'd like."

"No, I've already ordered.  Do you know if Jeri will get a break soon?"

She shook, "I don't think so, we're pretty busy at the moment."  Someone from her section flagged her over.  "Oh, excuse me."

"Sure."  Takato took a sip of his water and Jeri came with his cherry soda.  "Your sandwich will be a few minutes, Takato."

"Not a problem," he said.  "Will you be getting a break some time soon?"

"Oh, probably in an hour or so," she mumbled.  "Dinner is busy.  Not as busy as our lunch hour though."

"Jeri, over here," her father called.  

"I'm coming," she said and went to see what it was he wanted.  He looked very tired and a bit upset.  Takato couldn't catch what they were talking about.  Jeri nodded and went to the front counter where her mom was and told her something, then went back to her father.  Takato thought it was rather odd.  It seemed as though Jeri was speaking for her parents.  Takato pulled his straw out of the paper and put it in his glass.  He took a few sips and watched Jeri walked from table to table, seeing how their dinner was and getting to go boxes for them.  When she approached the table, she had a smile on, but when she left, it disappeared.  Something definitely wasn't right.  It couldn't just be from how busy dinner was, because it was dying down a little now.  Jeri was in this restaurant since she was a little girl.  She had to be used to it by now.  No customers complained about the service or food.  Jeri looked happy when she was around people, but by herself, or thought no one was looking at her, she looked so empty, so lonely, and so sad.  A lot like the way she looked when she lost Leomon.

What was it to make her feel that way?  Could there be something Takato have done to prevent it from happening?  Could he make it go away?

Jeri came to his table with his sandwich and a side order of fries.  "Here you go, Takato," she said putting his order down in front of him.  Takato reached up his hand and rested his palm over her knuckles.  "Uh…" she bit her lip and stared at his hand.  "Takato," she whispered softly.  For a moment, she wasn't sure what to say.  She wanted to close her hand over his and deep inside; she loved the feel of his gentle touch.  But she couldn't risk it.  She couldn't stand to have anyone touch her.

Takato looked up at her, "Jeri, is there anything wrong?" he asked in concern.

"No," she lied.  "I'm fine."

"You look like there's something bothering you."  He said.  "I've been watching you, Jeri.  When you're not talking to the customers, you look so sad."

"It's nothing, really," she told him, pulling her hand back, "Er, uh, a refill on your soda?" she picked up his half empty glass and walked away before he could put another word in.

Jeri looked at his Philly cheese sandwich and fries.  He really wasn't in the mood to eat but it did look very good.  He started on his fries and she shortly came back with a refill on his soda also with his desert.  She passed without saying a word.  Takato knew for sure something was on her mind but she was closing herself up.  What could be so bad that she thought couldn't talk to him about it?  It certainly was something.

Takato pondered this as he ate his food.  It was good, delicious, but he wasn't thinking about it.  He continued to watch Jeri talk to the customers, take their orders and bring their food to their tables.  He wanted to be with her so badly it hurt.  

'Jeri,' he thought, 'is it that bad for you to think you can't talk to me about it?'

After he finished his food, he waited for Jeri to pick them up but she never did.  He was certain that she knew he'd do this so she acted as if he weren't even there.  Jeri wanted to talk to Takato about her feelings, she really did.  Whenever he stopped by and she got a break, she'd sit down with him and make him a milkshake for free.  Sometimes he'd stay until closing and help put the chairs up on the tables.  Jeri often kidded with him that he should work at the restaurant, because he was here all the time anyway.  Jeri kept glancing at Takato and he was always looking at her.  There was something on her mind, but she felt that there would be no point in bringing it up.  It would just make her feel worse.  Takato let out a sigh and decided to give up.  Jeri obviously didn't want to talk to him so he stood up, dropped a tip on the table and a note telling Jeri to call him whenever she felt the need to talk.  He went to the register, paid for his meal, took a look at Jeri, who was now at his table picking up her tip and left.  Jeri picked up her tip and Takato's note and watched Takato walk away from the restaurant through the window.  Part of her wanted to run out after him.  

Takato walked around with a solemn look on his face.  He wasn't in the mood to go home yet.  He stopped at the park and he looked at the place where he kept Guilimon.  For a second or two, he saw his younger self with Jeri when he introduced Guilimon to her.  He shook his head and the memory away.  He passed the place where Jeri first saw Leomon and he left her.  He saw her kneeling on the ground, crying and how his younger self wanted to comfort her.  She wouldn't let him.  She still won't let him help her.  

"Jeri, what is it?" he said aloud.  "Why won't you talk to me?"  He walked on home and his parents were getting ready for bed.

"That you, Takato?" he heard his mother call from upstairs.

"Yeah, it's me," he said, closing the door and locking it.

She came downstairs, "did you have a fun time at the restaurant?"

"Yes," he replied, looking at their different breads.

"You're back earlier than usual," she said.  

"They were busy tonight," he said, "it is Friday."

"You usually help them close."

"I know."

"All right, Takato, what's the matter?"

"Huh?"

"Did you order something bad?"

"No.  My food was great!"

"Oh, I know, you asked Jeri to the dance and she turned you down," she guessed, "don't worry, there's plenty of girls--"

"No, mom, I didn't ask Jeri.  Not yet."  

"Oh.  Then what's the matter?"

Takato let out a sigh.  He might as well go out and say it. "I think there's something wrong with Jeri, but she won't talk to me.  I was watching her Mom, and when she wasn't talking to the orders, she looked so sad."

"Maybe she was just stressed from all the work," she supposed.

"Probably," Takato said.  "but I think it's more than that."

"I'm going to bed now," she said.  

"I'll stay up a bit," he told her.

"Not too late."

"I won't, Mom."

His mother kissed him goodnight and went up to bed.  Takato walked up the bread basket and picked up a piece.

"Bread," he mumbled.  "Jeri loves our bread.  I know…" he came up with an idea.  "I'll bake her something, that's how I'll ask her!"

"Takato, be quiet!" his mother cried.

"Oh, sorry!" he called and put the bread away.  In the morning he was going to bake the perfect bread for Jeri.  Takato pulled off his clothes and reached in the drawer for his pajamas.  He saw a picture of Jeri, one that he drew not too long ago.  It was for his art class.  He had to draw someone special in his life and Jeri was number one.  It looked very lifelike and he never showed this to her.  He never had the guts.  He drew it so he wouldn't have to ask her for a real picture of herself. Even they were very close, he found it kind of odd.  That was something a couple would do. And they weren't a couple, were they? Takato sure wanted to be. Takato picked it up.

"Jeri," he whispered.

He looked at it for a moment or two, set it down and crawled into bed.  Falling to sleep wasn't easy.  He turned on his side and his mind wandered to Jeri.

****

"Takato," Jeri mumbled, looking out the window from her family's restaurant.  They were getting ready to close and she was wiping the windows. She sure wished Takato was still with her, helping her close.  She felt so lonely, but she was just getting herself ready for the big loneliness that was about to start.  Jeri was afraid of getting close to anyone, even Takato, because she was certain that just like her mother, Leomon, he'd leave her too.

'I'm so sorry, Takato,' she thought, sighing.  

TBC


	3. Secrets and Appologies

**A Crumb's Worth 3**

**Secrets and Apologies**

_I do not own Digimon.  So there!_

Takato's alarm buzzed loudly and danced on top of his nightstand.  His hand sluggishly moved through the dark and he turned it off.  Takato sat up and yawned.  He was still sleepy and yet he was awake.  Sleep was hard for him, for he was still thinking about Jeri.  Something was bothering her indeed and he also had a thought in his mind that she might turn him down after he asked her to the dance.  Why he was thinking she would he wasn't sure.  But Jeri was a sweet and attractive girl and the dance was next week.  Surely someone had already asked her if she didn't think he'd ask her.  But Takato was psyched about making special bread for her.  He didn't care if she was asked already or not.  Jeri was very special to him and he wanted to do something unique, special and thoughtful for her.  She deserved it.  She deserved every crumb of it.

Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Takato got out of bed and changed.  Takato walked down to the kitchen, turned the radio on, tuned it to his favorite station so he'd have some tunes while he baked and turned on the faucet to wash his hands.  He whistled as he scrubbed his hands for twenty seconds, rinsed and dried.  Then he searched the cupboards for a heart shaped pan.  That he found rather difficult, for there wasn't one.

"Oh no-" Takato muttered, "no! No!  We don't have a heart shaped pan!  I thought we got one for Valentines Day last year. This isn't good!  How am I supposed to make a heart-shaped bread for Jeri if I don't have a heart shaped pan?"

Crazed footsteps from his parents came down the stairs.  His parents were in robes.

"Takato!" his mother cried.  "What's with all this noise?" 

"I'm looking for a heart shaped pan," he replied innocently.

"What for?" his father demanded.

"I'm making Jeri a special heart shaped bread," he answered.  "But I can't find a heart-shaped pan anywhere."

"Can't you just draw her a picture instead?"

"I want to ask her to the dance next week in a special way," he said.  "I didn't mean to wake you guys up, but we open in a few hours anyway, don't we?"

His mother yawned, "that's right…well, I guess I might as well get ready since I'm up."

"We don't have a heart shaped pan, but you're an artist Takato," his father said, "You can make one."

"Oh, right," Takato said, putting an apron around him sheepishly.  "Forgot."

His parents went back up stairs and Takato got the bread ingredients ready.  He did his best not to goof up on adding the ingredients in a bowl as he bobbed his head to the music.  Baking wasn't too hard for him, since his parents baked all the time and he'd watch them every now and then.  He didn't do it much on his own but when they weren't around, he'd bake something.  He took extra care now that he was making this for someone beside himself.  This was for Jeri, the girl who took his heart.  It had to be perfect.  Both in the appearance and taste.  Nothing could go wrong.  Finally after mixing the flower, eggs, milk and bread-making fixings, he poured the batter in a pre-greased regular round medium sized pan and put in the oven.  He set the timer for thirty minutes.  While that cooked, the sweet aroma filled the air so he thought he'd better make himself something.  He grabbed himself a bagel and some orange juice while he waited for the bread to bake. He checked on it every two minutes, making sure it was baking nicely.  

"Come on, bake!" he said, pressing his face to the door of the oven.  "BAKE!"

He was becoming quite anxious on how long the bread was taking to bake.  He paced the kitchen and the timer finally dinged.  He opened the oven door and looked at his creation. It smelt good, very good.  It smelt better than the other breads in the whole bakery.   He took it out and looked it over.  It baked rather nicely.  It was golden brown, like breads should look when finished baking.  He let it set over the stove to cool off He remembered the drawing of Jeri in his room and went to go get it.  He wrote a message on the back of it.

_Jeri,_

_You're the nicest girl I've ever met. I'm so glad we became friends.  I want to give you a present--my heart.  I'd love it if you can come to the dance with me next Friday so then I can have a real picture of you._

_Love, _

_Takato_

He folded the picture twice and went back downstairs.  He carefully rounded the bread out of the pan with a spatula onto some wax paper and took out a knife to carve out a heart.  He rounded the sides of the bread into a heart and put the scraps aside.  

'Too bad Guilmon's now living in the Digital World,' he thought, 'he'd love these scraps!'

Takato put the folded drawing of Jeri in one of the bakery to go boxes and took off his apron and baking kerchief off his head.  He had flour on his cheeks and remains of batter under his nails.  He went back up stairs to wash his hands and face as his parents came back down to open the bakery for another day of business.  

"Please don't touch the bread in the box," he hollered, passing them. "It's for Jeri!"

Curious, his father peaked inside the box.  "Wow, that is pretty good."

"You heard what Takato said, close it!"

Takato splashed warm water on his face and noticed that a few hairs were exceeding.  He examined his face in the mirror.  Knowing that most girls don't like guys with facial hair or at least he knew that Jeri didn't, he took out some shaving foam and applied it to his face. But since he wasn't so skilled with a razor, he cut himself a couple times.

"Ow," he mumbled.  "I think that's good."

He rinsed off the excess, brushed his teeth and combed his hair and threw on some of his best cologne and went down to fulfill his mission to ask the girl of his dreams to the best event in the world.

His parents were getting ready to open the bakery as he picked up his box.

"Well, uh, wish me luck I guess," he said coyly.

"Takato, son, you have a cut on your face," his father said.

"Oh, yeah," he blushed.  "I uh, had a bit of trouble shaving."

His father grinned, "Oh…I see."

"We'll see you when you get back, Takato," his mother said and Takato left.

*****

As Takato walked to Jeri's house, he practiced and prepped himself on what to say.  "Hey, Jeri, we had a lot of leftover flour and I thought I'd make you something." He groaned, "no, that's so lame.  Say, Jeri, I hope you haven't eaten yet, 'cause I made breakfast for ya!"  Caught in his concentration, he didn't see the brown-haired girl walking in front of him and nearly collided in her.  "Oh excuse me, Jeri…oh, Jeri!"

"Takato?" she looked up and she looked as if she had tears in her eyes.  She quickly wiped them away before he noticed them. "Takato, hey, how's it going?  Sorry, I didn't see you."

"It's okay," he said.  "I wasn't paying attention."

Jeri noticed the box and sniffed. "What's in the box, Takato?"

"Oh, um," he blushed slightly, "your breakfast."

"You made me breakfast?" she questioned with a grin.

"Yeah," Takato said, shrugging.  "Come on, let's go sit down." They walked to the park and they sat at a park table.  He pushed the box to her. "Well, um…home you like it."

"Takato, you know I love your bakery's bread," she said softly, opening the lid.  "Oh my…it's a heart."

"Go ahead and eat it."

"Now?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah."

"Well, okay."  She tore off a piece and began to eat.  "I hope I'm not making you hungry eating this."

"No.  I made it for you, Jeri. It's all yours."

"You didn't have to go through this, you know."

"I know.  But I wanted to."

As Jeri continued to eat the fresh, sweet bread, Takato watched intently with his chin in his palm.  Her eating habits were so different than Guilmon's.  Guilmon would've picked up the whole bread and scarffed it down.  She was more tactful and neat when she was eating.  Takato couldn't take his eyes of off her, not just when she ate, but when she talked, worked.  All he ever wanted to do was to be with her.  

"I'm getting full," Jeri claimed, "this is so delicious, Takato, thank you so much."

"You're welcome, Jeri."

Jeri came to the center of the heart shaped bread and found the folded picture.  "Hey, what's this?"  She pulled it out and unfolded it.  She saw the drawing of herself.  "Why, it's me.  You drew this?  Takato, you really are an amazing artist, you know that?"

"I try," he said softly.

Jeri chuckled, "quite a baker's man too."  She glanced at the other side of the drawing.  "Oh."  She read over the note with a troubled look on her face.  Her hand began to shake.  "Takato--"

"Jeri, how would you like to go to the dance with me next Friday?" Takato asked, trying to keep himself calm.  "I mean…if you're already going with someone else…"

"I'm not going to the dance with someone else, Takato," she said.

"Oh? So," he ran his hand through his light brown hair, "Then what about the idea of us going together."

Jeri smiled and sighed.  "Takato, I'd love to go with you…but I can't.  I'm sorry."

"You can't?" he asked, trying to hide his hurt.

Jeri tried not to meet his eyes.  "Maybe you can ask someone else.  A friend of mine hasn't been asked yet and--"

"I don't want to go with someone else, Jeri," Takato told her, "I want to go with _you._"

Jeri bit her lip.  "Oh Takato…you're so sweet, really."

"Why can't you go?  Do you have to work?" he leaned forward.  "I'm sure your parents will let you off."

"Oh no, I don't have to work," she said.  "The restaurant will be closed Friday night."

"Then you'll be able to come."

Jeri put her hands in her lap and became nervous.  "No I won't."

"Jeri, listen, I made you a special bread with my own two hands," he said firmly, "I made certain it was perfect.  I was expecting you to say yes and you tell me no."

"It's not that I don't want to go with you Takato," she said before he got any angrier.  "Really, I'd love to go with you.  It's just that…I can't."

"You don't already have a date," rising to his feet with his palms on the table, "you won't be working, and you do want to go with me so why can't you come Jeri?" Takato questioned.  "At least tell me why.  Please."

"Takato…" she sniffed, her eyes tearing up.  "I can't tell you."

"What can't you tell me?" he demanded, "Come on, Jeri, we're friends.  Friends should be able to talk to friends about anything."  He walked to the other side and knelt down in front of her.  "There's something wrong, is there? I've always sensed something was the matter.  Now what is it, Jeri? Please, tell me."

"I can't tell anyone, not even you, Takato."

"Jeri, for the love of God, tell me what's wrong!" he cried, putting his hands on her arms.  "Tell me!"

Unable to hear anymore of his crazed pleading, Jeri pushed him back.  "Fine, Takato, you really wanna know why I can't go?  Why I can't go to the dance with you?  I'll tell you, since you asked so nicely!"  She stood up, "I can't go with you to the dance next week because I'll have to be in _court _that day!  My father and step mother are getting a divorce, there, now are you satisfied?"

Takato stared in disbelief.  "A…divorce?"

"Yeah," she mumbled.  "You just had to dig it out of me, didn't you?  When I said I couldn't' go, why couldn't you just drop it?"

"I'm sorry Jeri, I had no idea it was that serious."

"Well, now you know."

"When…when did this happen?"

"I can't talk about it."

"Come on, Jeri."

"They stopped talking to each other and when they did talk to each other, they'd argue.  This morning my stepmother left with Masahiko."

Takato was reminded of last night. He didn't see Mr. or Mrs. Katou anywhere near each other.  Masahiko, Jeri or another employee would walk back in froth to them, talking for them.  It made sense, but how come Jeri never told him they were having problems?

"I don't get it," Takato said, "why didn't you tell me about this before?"

"Oh, come on Takato, do I really have to spell it out for you? I didn't want you to know, okay?  Everyone who gets close to me disappears!  My mother, Leomon, twice may I remind you, now my stepmother and my half brother.  You think after everything I've been through, I want to share my new adversity with you?"

"Jeri…"

"I'm jinxed.  That's all there is too it.  I just can't keep anyone around.  If I get any closer to you, Takato, you can be next."

"That's not true, Jeri!" he exclaimed, reaching for her.  

"Stay back!" she cried, slapping his arm and stepping away.  "I'm serious, Takato!  I have the kiss of death!  I don't want to make you disappear.  I'm sick and tired of making everyone who get close to me disappear.  The only way to stop it," she paused and looked at the ground, "keep people from getting close to me."

"Please don't do this, Jeri."

"Takato, after everything that has happened to me," she said her eyes filling up with tears and washing down her cheeks, tears that Takato wanted nothing more than to kiss them away.  "What choice do I really have, huh?"

Takato stood unable to move. He couldn't bear to see her in so much pain, so confused, so hurt.  He wanted to take her in her arms and hold her, assure her that everything will be all right.  It was really all he wanted to do.  But he was frozen stiff.  He just couldn't believe that Jeri has turned cold and refused his offer to help her but at the same time, he couldn't blame her for doing so.

"I'm so--so sorry Jeri," he said, his own tears forming in his eyes, "I just wish there was something I can do to make the pain go away. I'd hate to see you go through this alone."

Jeri smiled through her tears, "there you go again, Takato.  Being sweet again, apologizing for something you never did wrong. You didn't know it, Takato, but I heard every word you said to me on that train."

"You did?" he asked, surprised.  "How come you wouldn't talk to me?"

"I wanted to talk to you, Takato," she said honestly.  "I wanted to tell you not to be sorry.  I wanted to thank you for all those nice things you've said.  I tried to talk to you, but the d-reaper wouldn't let me.  It was taking control of everything I could say and do.  But I was able to say something and all I could do…was just read the nuturion facts on the back of that lunch you brought for me."

"Jeri…"

 "It wasn't your fault that I went to the digital world with you guys.  I decided to go so that I can see the Digiworld with my own eyes, so that I can be with you, Takato.  It's not because of you that Leomon's dead.  You weren't his tamer, I was.  I should've done something. It's not even Beezlemon's fault that Leomon died.  The poor guy was confused and alone and he took it out on us.  I had enough cards.  All I had to do was be strong like the rest of you guys and stood up to Beezlemon and used a digimodify card. But I didn't.  I just stood there and for my cowardice I lost my partner. I'm just not strong like everyone else.  Like you."

"Of course you are, Jeri.  You're about as strong as all of us.  If not stronger."

"Oh, right," she said sarcastically, "I'm strong all right.  I've got a lion's heart.  I gotta be strong.  Well I can't right now, okay?  I'm just not strong enough because I've never been strong!  I wasn't strong enough to prevent the chaos from falling us home, was I?  I shouldn't have picked up that piece of the chaos. I knew it was dangerous but I was drawn to it for some reason. It's my fault that it almost destroyed both the digiwolrd and Earth.  If it weren't for me…Leomon would still be alive and the D-Reaper would never had gotten into Earth."

"Don't blame yourself, Jeri," Takato said.  "You were hurt.  I should've been the one to pick up that piece of the chaos, not you.  I wish I was the one who lost my partner and brought the D-Reaper into the real world so you wouldn't have to go through all that pain."

"That is so sweet of you, Takato," Jeri said, holding her palms together in front of her mouth.  "I really appreciate all you've done, but I think it would be best if we don't talk to each other anymore.  Bake another heart shaped bread for someone. I'm not worth the trouble, Takato."

"Yes you are," Takato insisted, "You're worth every crumb."

"Stop it!  Just stop it!" she shouted.  "You keep saying things I want to hear.  I know you're trying to make me feel better, but what would really help, if I just stay away from you guys.  I have to be alone…I'm…I'm sorry, Takato."  She turned and walked away.

"Let's talk about this some more," Takato said, coming after her, "Jeri, wait! Don't leave."  He stopped.  He knew he couldn't keep her from wanting to be alone.  Jeri looked over her shoulder and pressed on.  Takato sighed and went to the table and sat on top of it.  He pulled off a piece of the bread he made for her and chewed on it.  He was certain that she would say yes and by now they would be celebrating and picking out things they would do that day.  Takato dreamed of how things would turn out that day but sadly, all the dance would be now still be just a dream.

**TBC**


	4. Helpless

**A Crumb's Worth 4**

**Helpless**

_I do not own Digimon_

Takato couldn't wait for Monday and at the same time, he dreaded it.  He'd see Jeri first thing in the morning and she probably wouldn't look back.  He was certain he wouldn't let him walk her to her next class.  Takato felt so helpless, so angry. Why did it have to be Jeri? Why did she do to deserve this?  If there were a way he could erase all what happened to her, he'd do it in a heartbeat.  Jeri didn't have to go through all that pain.  Takato would give anything to take Jeri's place.  Even though he loved his Digimon partner Guilmon and he created him with just a colored pencil and a piece of paper, he'd let him die so that Leomon wouldn't have to.  Guilmon probably would've gladly taken Leomon's place also.  He was so much like his creator Takato.  Takato wished he were the one to pick up that piece of chaos, to become possessed with it.  He wanted to be trapped inside the D-Reaper's brain, wondering if the others would come for him or not.  

"Why did it have to be Jeri?" Takato demanded himself.  "She deserves only the best in the world!"

He went to school without breakfast, still wondering what he could have done.  He shouldn't have gotten so angry, so mad when Beezlemon killed Leomon.  He shouldn't have forced Guilmon to digivolve into mega.  What he should have done was be there for Jeri.  She needed to be comforted.  She didn't need to see Guilmon change into a monster.  All he did was add more heartache to Jeri. Talkato sat in his seat feeling helpless and looking around for Jeri.  She hadn't come yet and class was about to start.  Jeri was never late for class.  She was always on time, sometimes the first person there.  Takato feared the worse. What if she and her dad left town?  He'd never see her again.  But Takato pushed this thought away.  No, they had court this Friday, Jeri was still attending school here and her dad had a business to run. But still, where was she?  She couldn't have skipped school for work, did she?  He began tapping his fingers on the desk.  He wanted her here.  He had to know if she was all right.  Thirty seconds before the bell rang, Jeri came in the door.  She caught Takato's eyes and quickly looked down as she went to her seat.  She could feel his eyes on her and it bothered the hell out of her.  

'Please stop looking at me that way, Takato,' Jeri thought.  She didn't have to look at him to know he was looking at her with that, 'let me help you look'.  She could feel it. She knew Takato.

'Oh, Jeri,' Takato thought, 'I want to help you, if you'd just let me.'

It was torture being in homeroom with her now.  Not being able to see her smile or to work with her.  He hated it.  She avoided his eyes at all costs.  Then the bell rang and Jeri quickly got up and left before Takato could say a word to her.  Takato walked out of the room and watched her walk to her next class alone.  He hated seeing her alone. He hated seeing her in pain. It made him want to die.  He stood there for a moment, then it dawned on him, the others didn't know and he was certain that Jeri wouldn't tell them.  Takato had to let them know. If he couldn't help her, maybe they could.  Takato sprinted down the hall and got to the gym doors just as Kazu was opening them up.

"Well, look who's on time!" Kazu cracked.

"No time for jokes, Kazu," Takato muttered, "to the locker room.  I've got something to tell you guys."

"Sounds important."  Kazu said, following him.

"It is."  

The two got into the locker room where there was already Kenta and Henry.

"Where's Ryo?" Takato asked.

"Here I am," Ryo said, stepping from a corner applying deodorant to his underarms.

"Ryo, don't even try," Kazu said. "No matter how much--"

"Shut up, Kazu!" Takato shouted.  Kazu gasped.  "Guys, I've got some bad news."

"What's up, Takato?" Henry asked, sitting on the bench to tie his shoelaces.

"I know what's the matter with Jeri," Takato asked.

"And?" Kenta questioned, hopeful. "It's nothing serious, right?"

"Wrong, Kenta," Takato shook his head.  "It's serious. I asked her to the dance and she can't come with me because she'll have to be in court."

"Court? For what?" Kazu asked.  He almost hit himself in the face while opening his locker.

"Her father and step mom," he said hesitantly, "they're getting a divorce."

The guys looked at Takato as if he were joking.

"No way," Henry said, "that's awful. Jeri never told us anything about this."

"Poor Jeri," Kenta mumbled, "she must feel terrible.  No wonder her poem was so sad."

"I wonder…if there's anything we can do," Kazu said, getting ready to change.

"I've tried helping her," Takato told them, "but she's so upset that she refuses my help.  She wants us to leave her alone."

"I understand she wants to be left alone," Ryo stated, "but I think she's been alone long enough.  She needs to know that we're here for her."

"I told her that," Takato whispered.

"Let's all try talking to her in our classes," Kazu suggested.

"But she doesn't want to talk."

"Then she should just listen," Kazu said.  "And we'll do the talking.  I've got her in study hall and we can talk all period."

"Yeah, Kazu has a point," Ryo said, "if we leave her alone, then she'll just get more lonely.  She says that's what she wants, but that's not what she needs.  She needs her friends right now."

They nodded in agreement and went outside to warm up.

****

Kenta hurried to creative writing, hoping to see Jeri there.  She wasn't in her seat then remembered that her chemistry class wasn't close to creative writing.  Kenta sat down in his seat and waited for Jeri.  When Jeri came in class, Kenta jumped up and hugged her.

"Oh Jeri!  I just heard!" He cried, tightening his arms around her.  "I'm so sorry."

"Sorry about what?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.  She tried to make it look like nothing was wrong.

Kenta kept an arm around her and helped her to her seat as if she had a dizzy spell. Then he knelt down beside her.

"Takato told me about your dad and step mom," he replied.  

"Oh," she said.  'I thought so,' she thought.

Kenta took her hand in both of his.  "If there's _anything_ I can do just let me know."

"Thanks, Kenta," she whispered, slipping her hand away, "but there's nothing you can do."

"Okay."  He mumbled and sat down. She acted exactly how he expected.  He focused on his assignment then the bell rang for the next class.  Kenta got up and felt Jeri's hand on his shoulder.

"Uh, Kenta?" 

"Yeah?" he turned around.

"I just wanted to say…I'm quiting the journalism club."

"But you just joined Friday!" he cried.  "Don't you like journalism?"

"Oh, sure I do," she said.  "I love to write and I know you need help on the school paper and all, but I just can't come anymore."

"Why not?"

She tightened her fingers on her book, "I just can't, all right? Just drop it!  Now I'm sorry, but I can't come to journalism anymore!" she pushed passed him hard, nearly knocking him into his desk, making him drop his books and took off.

"Jeri!" Kenta cried, picking his books back up.  He got out of class and looked around for her. "Oh, darn.  I lost her!"

Jeri hurried to her math class, 'I bet Henry knows too!' she thought angrily.  'Did Takato tell the whole damn world?' She came to class and there was the ever-so-prompt Henry Wong sitting at his desk.  Jeri avoided his eyes and went to her seat.

'I bet she doesn't want to talk,' Henry said, 'but she doesn't have to say anything.  Just listen.'  Henry sighed and went to her desk.  "Jeri, Takato told me about your dad and step mom.  I'm sorry."

"Thanks, Henry," she said, staring at her desk.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No, thanks," she replied.

Henry nodded and went back to his seat.  Then Jeri stood up, getting something. "Henry, wait, there is something."

"Yes?"

"Be good to Suzie.  Help her with her homework," she said, trying to keep her tears back, "and be good to all your brothers and sisters.  You're lucky to have a big family that loves you.  Stay close to your mom and dad.  I made a mistake not doing that.  Now my family's falling apart because of it."

"It's not your fault they're getting a divorce," Henry insisted.

Jeri shook her head, not wanting to hear all that 'it's not your fault and everything will be okay nonsense.'  "Just be good to your family, okay?" she asked, a tear forming slowly in her eye.  "Tell them all the time that you love them and give them hugs and kisses.  Can you do that for me?"

Henry was taken back, "Y-yeah, I can do that."

"Thanks, Henry."  Jeri sat down.

Henry almost felt his eyes tearing.  He remembered when he made Suzie cry and she said something he'd never forget: "I wish you weren't my brother."   He never wanted to hear her say that again.

Jeri's half brother and stepmother will be moving out of town and her life for good. Jeri never got a chance to let her step mom into her life because she didn't want someone to take her place.  She wasn't a good half-sister to Masahiko either.  Henry knew Jeri was right.  He should be grateful to have a family that was so solid, brothers and sisters and a mother and father that loved each other. His family was thriving and Jeri's was falling apart.  He had to let them know he cared.  He wasn't sure how he would take it if a family member died or his parents decided to have a divorce.

Class was over quickly and Henry grabbed hold of Jeri's shoulder before she left her seat.

"Thanks, Jeri." He said.

"For what?" she asked.

"Making me realize what I had without having to lose it first."  Henry squeezed her shoulder, "usually you don't know what you've got until it's gone.  I don't know if I'll be able to handle it if my family had to split.  I'm very sorry about your family, Jeri. Just…just take care, okay?"

Jeri lifted up her hand and let it lay on Henry's for a while before she took it off.  For a split second, she was used to getting comfort but she didn't deserve it.

"Yeah," she mumbled, "you just do what I asked, okay?"

Henry nodded and Jeri walked away before he could say another word.  He was about to suggest that they go to lunch together. He went to his locker and put his things away.  He heard a voice behind him speak.

"Yes."

"Huh?" he turned around and saw Rika with a smile on her face.  "Rika, what's up?" It was the seldom times he saw her smile.

"Come on, silly, you asked me to the dance this Friday."  She said. "I got your note and my answer's yes."

Henry smiled, "oh, right.  That's great." He forgot all about asking her, leaving a note and stuffed fox in her locker.  He would've used a teddy bear but the fox reminded him of Renamon.

Rika frowned, "oh no, don't tell me you've changed your mind."

"You haven't heard, have you?" Henry asked.

"Heard what?"

Henry took her hand, "come on, there's something you should now."

The gang met at their usual table but someone was missing.

"Hey, where's Jeri?" Rika asked.

"Takato told us something in PE class," Kazu said softly.

"Which is?"

Everyone was silent in response.

"Well, what is it, guys?" Rika asked, "come on boys, do I have to beat it out of you?"

"It's Jeri," Henry said, "Her dad and step mom, they're getting a divorce."

Rika stared speechless and looked over the boys.  Then she found her voice, "No!  I don't believe it!"

"It's true," Takato said, "Jeri told me last week."

"She never said anything to us!" Rika cried, "We didn't even know they were having problems."

"They'll have the divorce hearing this Friday," Takato said, "That is why she can't come to the dance."

"Where is she?"

"I'm not sure.  She probably knows we'll be waiting for her so she didn't come."

"Poor Jeri," Rika frowned.  "I bet she doesn't want to talk to us anymore."

"So, did you guys talk to her?" Takato asked Kenta and Henry.

"I gave her a hug, told her I was sorry and asked if there was anything I could do," Kenta stated.

"And?"

"She totally turned me down," Kenta mumbled.

"What about you, Henry?"

"She said there was something I could do," Henry said.  "She asked me to stay close to my family."

"I have her next period," Rika stated, "foods.  I'll talk to her then.  I know exactly how she feels."

"Jeri's upset, but we're her friends," Takato told them, "we've got to make sure she knows we're here, or she'll always be alone."

*****

The foods class was learning how to teriyaki chicken and Rika was lab partners with Jeri. It would be easy to talk to her.  

"The guys told me about your parents," Rika said, drying her hands and preparing the uncooked chicken.  "I'm sorry, Jeri.  I know exactly how you feel. My parents are divorced too."

"Yeah, but you didn't lose your mother when you were a kid," Jeri said, washing her hands.  

"I know," Rika said, cutting the chicken into strips, "oh, I hate cooking--but about the divorce thing--it's tough."

"Oh, I know what you're going to say, Rika," Jeri muttered, "so save your breath.  There's nothing you can do.  Your parents may be divorced, but you know your dad is still alive.  Your mom and grandma live with you.  My mom died and my life changed forever.  I promised myself when my dad remarried that I wouldn't let my stop mom take my real mother's place, so I avoided her when I could and kept her from entering my life.  But before my parents were having problems, I got used to her and just as we were becoming close…they arranged for a divorce.  Now I'll lose a second mother and my half brother.  That is what I get for not getting close to her.  My mom was sick, I should've done something and my step mother tried to be good for me but I wouldn't let her in my life so now I four people out of my life! You don't know how lucky you are to still have your birthmother with you. Yeah, she's busy and she's a supermodel, but that's a tough job to handle if you got a child."

Rika stared, 'she's turning into me.  I can't let her become cold like I did.'

"How dare you say you know how I feel, Rika," Jeri muttered, making the teriyaki sauce and rice.  "You don't know the half of it!"

"But, Jeri--"

"Shove it, okay?" Jeri snapped, "let's just make this.  The chicken isn't going to cook itself."

Rika sighed.  She couldn't believe the way Jeri was becoming.  She feared that she'd never be the same again and there was nothing she could do.

'I feel so helpless,' Rika thought, putting the chicken strips into a frying pan, 'I can't let Jeri become me, but I don't think I can stop her.'

They cooked the teriyaki chicken and then they ate their meal.  It wasn't smart to have foods right after lunch because everyone had already eaten.  Rika glanced at Jeri and noticed that she was eating quite well.

"You skipped lunch, didn't you?" Rika questioned.

"I had things to do," Jeri retorted, "besides, I figured I'd just eat in foods since it's after lunch anyway."

"Things, huh? Were those things called 'avoiding your friends?' Rika demanded.  Jeri's new attitude wasn't helping Rika stay calm and comforting and it made her anger rise.  If Jeri was going to be cold, she'd have to be cold and firm right back to get her point across.  Trying to be caring and soft did not help. "Let's just get one thing straight, Jeri.  I went through the same thing you did.  Yes, I didn't lose my real mother and my digimon partner, but my parents are divorced so I can relate to that.  When my parents divorced and my mom focused on her career more than me, I became very hard and cold, just like you're becoming now.  Sure, it's natural to push people away from you after something like this, but if you continue being like that, you'll have no one.  I'm trying to help you here.  I'm telling you I understand how you feel.  Takato and the others are worried about you. We are your friends and we want to help you but we can't do that unless you let us.  Don't become like me, Jeri.  You're too nice of a person and if you become so cold and unforgiving like I did, you might not be able to change back.  I still have a hard time myself."

"Oh, spare me, Rika," Jeri rolled her eyes, "I have enough problems of my own to hear you ramble on about yours!"

"I wasn't talking about my problems, Jeri," Rika corrected, "I was talking about the ones you're _going_ to have unless you stop pushing people away! You still have others that care for you, so don't you forget it!"

"I know that," Jeri said, "That's why it's better that you all stay out of it.  I can take care of myself.  You are all busy enough already."

"Too busy to help our friends?" Rika demanded, "get real!"

"If you really wanna help, Rika," Jeri lowered her voice and sighed, "just leave me alone, okay?  It's best that you don't get involved.  Stay close to your mother and grandmother, while you still can.  Try and contact your father.  Send him a letter with your picture.  I know you still think of him.  Please, Rika, just leave me alone.  You're going with Henry to the dance, right?"

"Yes, but maybe it wouldn't be right that we go." Rika said, "I mean, that's the day of your hearing and--"

"Go with Henry," Jeri insisted, "you two go and have a fun time.  I can't go to the dance with Takato and have fun, so you and Henry will have to do it for us.  Make sure Takato gets a date.  I think my friend Nikki is available."

"I don't think Takato wants to go with anyone else, Jeri," Rika said, "you're the only girl he wants I the whole school, the whole city even."

"Well, he can't have me.  I'll just bring him down." Jeri stood up, "let's clean this up before the bell rings." 

They washed the dishes in silence and put their aprons away.  The bell rang for the next and final class and Jeri left before Rika can get another word in.

'I just hope she'll think of what I said, Rika thought, stepping out of the door and nearly colliding into Kazu, "Wha--Kazu! Why don't you watch where you're going?"

"Welll, exuuuuze me!" Kazu muttered.

"Don't you have your next class with Jeri?"

"Yeah, I was just going to ask someone to the dance, so wanna go?"

"Oh, please, Kazu, I'm going with Henry!"

"I was kidding," Kazu said, "geez, can't you take a joke?  I'm taking Nikki."

"I couldn't get through to Jeri," Rika groaned, "so I guess it's up to you.  I hope you don't make her more mad than she already is."

"Oh, you break my heart," Kazu groaned, "You underestimate me.  I'm the funny guy of the group.  I'll just have to say one joke to Jeri and that ought to put a smile on her face!"   Kazu walked past her and on to study hall.  He saw Jeri sitting alone in a corner by a table and Kazu grabbed a chair, turned it around and propped his on the back.  "Hey, Jeri, what's up?"

Jeri rolled her eyes, "oh no…this is all I need right now, more people trying to get on my case."

"That's right, Jeri, it is," Kazu said, "you've been through an awful lot, first with losing your mother, your digimon partner, being cloned by the D-Reaper and now your step mom and dad are splitting up.  Of course this is what you need."

"I was being sarcastic, Kazu."

"Well, for the first time in like…well, a while, I'm not."  Kazu said, leaning forward.  "I'm your friend, Jeri and I'm here for you."

"If only I had a nickel for every time I heard that." Jeri moaned, "I'm glad Ryo's not in any of my classes."

"He may not, but you just might be getting a visit from him too. What, are we supposed to turn our backs on our friends when they have a problem?"

Jeri didn't reply.

"Say, since you can't come to the dance, how about we have a party Saturday?"

"No."

"Well, you're such a sore sport," Kazu frowned.  

"Kazu, don't you have some homework to do?" Jeri asked, opening her math book, which he closed.

"I'm doing it," Kazu said, "My homework is talking to my friend.  Right now, you're more important than my grades."

"You're starting to sound like Takato," Jeri grumbled.

"Well, good, maybe you'll listen to me."

"Kazu…why do you have to be so…"

"Good looking?" he asked hopefully, winking at her.

Jeri scowled.

"Darn…you're supposed to smile!" Kazu groaned, "but I swear by the end of class, I'll get a smile out of you."

"Kazu, I've heard all your jokes," Jeri muttered.

The tardy bell rang and the last remaining students walked in.  Kazu continued to talk.  "So, Kenta says you've left the journalism club.  It got boring for you at just one meeting?"

"That's not what happened," Jeri mumbled.

"Oh, that's not it? Then how come?"

"Mind your own business, okay?" Jeri demanded.

"Seriously, Jeri, I'm sure you love journalism," Kazu said. "Why did you quit?  Is it because you have to work more at your restaurant now?"

"Yes, Kazu, that's why!"

"Oh, is it?  Or you want to stay away from your friends as much as possible?"

Jeri didn't answer.

"I knew it.  You can't hide from us, Jeri.  We're a team.  We all came for you when you were stuck inside the D-Reaper's brain and we're still here for you now.  We're not just a swarm of flies you swat away."

Jeri just sat in her chair and looked forward.  She didn't want to look at Kazu but she could hear him.  Kazu went on talking.  He didn't have to make her look at him, just so she heard him.

"If I said anything in the past that made you mad, I'm sorry," he said, "I was--"

"A jerk? Well you still are, Kazu."

"That's not what I was going to say," Kazu took her hand, which she tried to pull away. "I wanted to be a tamer.  I thought I was the best at the card game. For a while, I thought that's all it was.  I still did even when Gardmon became my partner.  I always bragged about being the world's best tamer and when I found Gardmon, I was so psyched.  I was cocky and I shouldn't have been.  I knew that it wasn't just a game when Leomon died.  I found out it was real.  The digital world was real.  The digimon was real.  The terror was real.  It was like a major culture shock."

"Well, I hope you've learned your lesson, Mr. I'd-do-anything-to-become-a-tamer!"

"I did," Kazu said. 

Jeri sighed, "I shouldn't have become a tamer."

"Don't say that."

"I wasn't strong enough, Kazu," Jeri insisted.

"What are you talking about?" Kazu demanded.  "You had more cards than I've ever seen in my life!  Rika--the digimon queen--showed you how to play the game!  Leomon was your partner and you took care of that--that digimon with the many snakeheads by yourself. You used the Lady Devimon card on Leomon--man, that was great work!"

"Really?" Jeri asked, smiling a bit.

"Ah-ha! I see a smile!" Kazu cried.  People turned around and hushed him to be quiet.

"But…I wasn't strong enough to save Leomon," she said.  

"No one was," Kazu told her.  "I talked so much about being a tamer and when I became one, I was still talk and no action!"

"He was my partner," Jeri mumbled.  "I should've done something."

"Quit blaming yourself," Kazu ordered, "that won't help."

"But it's my fault," Jeri insisted.  

"Your fault?  Beezlemon was the one who killed him!  You shouldn't feel so sorry for yourself.  We could've done something to save Leomon but everything happened too fast."

"Kazu, I can't talk about this anymore," Jeri said, tightening her hands on the brim of her notebook.  "Please, just stop."

"Jeri, you've been holding all this pain inside," Kazu said, "you can't hold it in anymore.  Just talk me and you'll feel better."

"Yes I can."  She said firmly.  "If you'd stop talking."

"Well, I'm not going to stop."  Kazu said.  "Class isn't over yet and we've got plenty of time to talk.  You're not leaving until you say everything that's--"

"Kazu, what's left to talk about?" she demanded, whipping her head to him.  "You already know what happened.  You know the deal!  You know my mother died when I was just a little kid and Leomon left me--twice--first by just deserting me before I got a chance to be a tamer and again by death.  You know I became possessed by the D-Reaper and I brought the chaos to our world.  It was all my fault, okay?  Now my parents are splitting up and you want me to just talk to you about it?  You think that'd make me feel any better?"

"You're getting mad now," Kazu said, "that's good, just let it out, Jeri."

"I can't let it out Kazu!" she shouted in a whisper.  "I can't!"

"Why, because you're afraid of losing more people?"

"Yes, why you think?"

"If you're mad, Jeri, then get mad," Kazu insisted.  "Don't hide your true feelings.  Just let it out."

"Not now," she mumbled, "not here."

"Not when you're so close."

"Kazu, just stop!"

"I'm not going to stop."

"Why?"

"Why do you think, babe?" Kazu demanded, "You're my friend, that's why!"

Jeri sighed.  "I know what you're trying to do, but it's not working."

"We're worried about you.  Especially Takato, you should've seen the guy earlier.  He asked us all to talk to you."

"I can't talk about this anymore."

"Anytime is a good time to unload.  It's not good that you keep this all bottled up inside.  Just keep talking to me.  I'm all ears and we've still got time."

Jeri looked up at the clock, 'when will this class be over? Is Kazu ever going to shut up? I can't listen to this, no matter how good it sounds.'

"I know you don't wanna hear this, but it's what you need to hear."  Kazu stressed, "Yes, you've made a mistake, we've all made mistakes.  But, Jeri, you were a good tamer, better than me."

"Stop it, Kazu!" Jeri whispered.

"No, class ain't over yet," he insisted.

"You keep telling me lies.  I was a poor tamer, not even so-so!"

"You're the one who's lying," Kazu told her, "you were great.  Beating yourself up is not going to help.  Let this pain leave you.  Get angry, I bet you wanna hit something."

"No I don't."

"You can hit me if you want to."

"No."

"What, you think this will all go away if you keep this all bottled up inside?" Kazu demanded.  "Come on, Jeri."

Jeri didn't answer.  She wasn't sure how.  She knew Kazu was right but she couldn't talk. Talking never did anything.  At a loss for words, she folded her arms and put them on her table followed by her head.  As she let out a sigh, she felt Kazu rub her back and pat her head softly.  She sighed again. It felt good to be comforted and touched, but this was something that just wouldn't go away.

"You've got friends, Jeri," Kazu said, "people who love you.  If you'd only see that."

"Oh, Kazu," Jeri whispered, "Why are you so--"

The bell rang, cutting hr sentence short.  She shook her head and sat up. "I gotta go, Kazu."  She stood and Kazu stood up in front of her.

"You can't leave yet."  He said.

"Class is over now, Kazu," she muttered, "and we've talked.  There's nothing else to say."

"The hell there isn't!" he yelled, "Jeri, you've been faking to be happy for the last couple of weeks.  But I bet you were faking your happiness longer, haven't you?  It's okay to be sad, Jeri.  Don't cover all this with a smile, it won't work on me."

"Kazu, cut it out!'"

Kazu grabbed her arm, "Jeri, come on.  I know how you're feeling.  Just talk to me, I'll listen."

"Fine, listen to this!" she hissed, "I hate how you always bragged about being the best tamer!  It's more than just a card game, Kazu!  It's not all about fighting either.  It's about a bond that you share with your partner.  You idiot, why didn't _you_ do anything when Leomon got hurt?  You've even practiced your card swipe for heaven sakes! You make me sick the way you think the digital world is just an imaginary place for a vacation!  Why didn't you make Gardmon do something?  Why did Leomon have to be the one to die?  If Gardmon was in Leomon's place, would you have done something?"  By this point, she was breathing hard and Kazu stood stiff for a moment and then in he smiled.

"If you want to blame someone else, go ahead Jeri." He said, "Yeah, I should've done something.  We all could so you don't have to take all the blame yourself. I was a tamer too.  That's great, Jeri, keep blaming me if it'll make you feel better.  Go ahead and hit me, come on.  I deserve it."

"No."

"You slapped my hand when I tried to pull you away in the digital world," Kazu reminded, "just hit me.  Let the fire out! Come on!"

"Kazu…" her eye started to twitch in anger and her hand was stiff.

"I can take it, Jeri.  Slap me."

"Shut up!" Jeri lifted her hand and slapped him hard across the face. 

 Kazu stumbled to the side and nearly fell to the floor. He put his hand to his burning cheek.  "Whoa, you hit pretty hard.  How do you feel now?  I bet you feel pretty good now, huh?"

Jeri stared, "Oh my gosh…Kazu, I'm so sorry!  I didn't mean to, I uh--just--"

"Been stressed lately? That's okay."

"It's not that, oh, are you all right?" she asked.  "Oh, I'm a terrible person, now you might disappear too!" Jeri ran away in tears.

"Jeri, really, I'm okay!" Kazu yelled after her, "man, why did I tell her to hit me?" he groaned and stepped out of class. When he got to his locker, Ryo walked up to him.

"What happened to you?" he asked.

"Jeri slapped me."  He answered.

"She what? Why?"

"Because I told her too," Kazu shrugged.

"You moron!"

"Hey, I thought it would make her feel better to hit someone." Kazu said, "it helps some people to hit something when they're so stressed.  But I think I may have done more harm than good."

"I'll go talk to her," Ryo said and walked away.

"Just do not tell her to hit you!" Kazu warned, "Jeri may be a small girl, but she can hit pretty hard!"

Takato walked to Kazu's locker, "I just talked to Rika and she said nothing worked. How about you?"

"Well, I almost got Jeri to open up," Kazu said, "but got a slap in the face instead."

"What?" Takato demanded. "What did you do to her, Kazu?"

"Nothing.  I just…told her to hit me because I thought it'd make her feel better." He groaned holding his cheek, "but now I know it wasn't such a good idea.  Talking didn't seem to help so maybe if she hit me then it would take all her anger and pain out."

"Now you probably made it worse, nice work, Kazu!" Takato groaned.

"Hey, I talked to her all period long," Kazu said, "and I almost got her to open up. She's very angry and confused, Takato.  Someone's got to get her to open up and I think it should be you."

"I can't."

"Why not?  You're closer with her than any of us."

"I've tried and failed," Takato sighed.  "She pushed me away too."

"Well, try again and if she keeps pushing you away, keep coming back.  She wants us all to leave her alone but we can't."

Takato sighed, "I think I'll let her alone for a while.  She had to drudge up all her feelings to all of us in one day and I don't think she can do it anymore."

"Well, you'd better do something, Chumly," Kazu said.  "Because if we all just leave her alone, then she'll have no one.  We're all she's got left, don't you get it?  We can't leave her alone, especially not now when she needs us the most."

Takato sighed, "Yeah, sure."

"Well, I'm going to go put some ice on my cheek." Kazu told him with a wince, "you just think of what I said."  Kazu walked off and Takato looked at his feet.  He was right, but he didn't want Jeri to push him away again.

*****

Jeri felt someone's hand fall on her shoulder as she turned the corner.  She didn't hear the footsteps behind her. She gasped and turned around. "Ryo--oh no…"

"Just don't hit me like you did to Kazu, okay?" Ryo asked.

"I didn't mean to hit him."

"Look, I know I'm not as close with you as the others," Ryo said.  "But I did help save you from the D-Reaper."

"Yeah, thanks."

"I just want to say I'm sorry about all the people you lost in your life. It must be hard.  I wish I taught you how to be a real tamer. I've been in the digital world longer than you guys and I was experienced.  I'm sorry for not doing that."

"Hey, don't start now," Jeri mumbled.

"But for what it's worth, you were a great tamer. I don't know what I'd do if Cybermon was killed. He was all I had when I was alone in the digital world.   You're stronger than all of us."

"I am not," Jeri groaned.

"Hey, if you ever wanna talk, don't hesitate, okay?" Ryo asked.

"Yeah," Jeri said, pulling on her backpack, "thanks. Listen, I gotta go." Without saying another word, or listening to another of Ryo's, Jeri continued home.

Ryo looked down and sighed.  Jeri's friends were all she had left and she was pushing them away.  They were all feeling the same way: helpless.

**TBC**


	5. Last Resort

**A Crumb's Worth 5**

**Last Resort**

_I do not own digimon or Papa Roach.  I decided to make this a song chapter!_

_Cut my life into pieces_

_This is my last resort_

_Suffocation_

_No breathing_

_Don't give a f*** if I cut myself bleeding_

Takato walked home, wondering what he should do.  Jeri was falling apart inside and all he could do was watch.  He tried talking to her when he planned on asking her to the dance and she told him about her father and stepmother getting the divorce.  She didn't want to talk about it. Maybe she'd want to talk about it after the hearing.  Everyone knew now and did what they could.  Jeri wasn't willing to talk to anyone, even Takato.

With Jeri's words still fresh in mind, Henry stepped inside his apartment and kicked his shoes off.  "_Be good to your family,"_ she had told him, _you're lucky to have a big family who loves you." _They were the best words he heard in his life.  His sensei, always giving him words of wisdom, couldn't give him better words to know.

Henry took his large family for granted.  He had brothers and sisters, two loving parents, something that not every child had. He heard something fall down in his room, followed by some mumbling.

"Oh no!  Henry is going to be so mad at me!"

Henry walked to his room and opened the door. There he found his younger sister Suzie trying to put away a mess.

"Suzie?" Henry asked.

"Henry!" Suzie stood up quickly in shock, "look, before you say anything, I was just going to borrow something for a homework assignment, you see and--and--and…" she sighed and frowned, "you're mad at me, aren't you?"

Henry's chin began to twitch.  He stared at Suzie for a moment or two, amazed by her innocence.  He probably would be mad at his young sister, but after hearing that Jeri's father and step mother were getting a divorce and what she asked him to do for Jeri, he just could not feel mad right now. He was reminded again when Suzie said she wished he wasn't her brother.  Back then, he was shocked by her words but didn't think about it until that Boar Deva destroyed part of the city.  Now, he was more than shocked, he felt like a failure.  He never wanted his baby sister to say that to him again. It would kill him. Tears filled his eyes and he ran to his younger sister and embraced her as if he hadn't seen her for years.

"Suzie!" he sobbed. "Suzie, my baby sister!"

Suzie's eyes moved around in concern and confusion, "uh, Henry?"

"I'm not mad at you," he said, "not at all!  Suzie, I want you to know that I love you!  Your big brother loves you, never doubt how much I love you!"

"Well, I, uh, love you too, Henry." Suzie whispered, taken back by his new behavior.  He never acted this way before.

"Don't worry about the mess," he said, hugging her tighter, "I'll take care of it.  You just do your homework and if you need help on it, any help at all, just ask and your brother will help you, okay?"

"Oh, okay…" Suzie mumbled.

He held her for a while and finally let go, but not without giving his younger sister a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the back.  Suzie walked around her brother, not sure what to say then stopped at the door.  

"You're really not mad for me making a mess?"

"Oh, of course not.  I shouldn't get so upset about a little mess."

"But, you're always so 'protective' of your stuff," she said, "and you don't like it when I come into your room without permission."

"Suzie, you're welcome to come into my room whenever you want."

"Okay, but if it's closed," Suzie said, "I think I'll knock first."  She gawked at her brother, "Um, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine, Suzie, just fine."

"You sure?"

"Sure I'm sure."

Suzie looked at him, not convinced, finally shrugged and stepped away.  "Well, all right then."

When the rest of his family members came home, Henry all gave them hugs and told them that the loved them.  They all gave him a confused look and asked if he was okay.  While Mrs. Wong was cooking dinner, she felt a pair of arms circle around her with a pair of lips on her cheek.

"Mom, I just want you to know," Henry said, "that I love you."

"Oh, why, thank you, Henry," she said, smiling slightly.  "I love you too."

"I'll take a free hug any day."

"Here, I'll set the table for dinner," Henry grabbed some plates and put them on the placemats with silverware and glassware.  The family began their meal and Mr. Wong asked what everyone was up to.  There was mild chatter about tests, sport practice and other things.  Then, Henry decided to speak.

"Jeri's dad and stepmom are getting a divorce," he blurted.

Everyone looked at Henry suspiciously

"What was that, Henry?" Mrs. Wong asked.

"You know my friend Jeri?" Henry questioned, clearing his voice, "well, her dad and step mom, they're getting a divorce."

"Oh, poor Jeri!" Suzie cried.  "I don't believe it!"

"I didn't even know the Katous were having problems," Mrs. Wong said, still shocked.  

"How's Jeri taking it?" Henry's older sister asked.

"Not good," Henry replied.  "So, if you two ever stop loving each other and--"

Mr. Wong chuckled, "son, that'll never be the case. I love your mother very much and you are my children.  What is happening in Jeri's family is very sad.  Some families drift apart, but that will never happen with us."

"Yes," Mrs. Wong said with a nod. "You've got nothing to worry about, Henry."

Henry let out a sigh, "that's good to know."

"I hope the Katous are all right," Mrs. Wong said.  "Maybe I should give Jeri's Step Mother a call."

"I don't know where Mrs. Katou went," Henry said, "Jeri said that they left town."

"I can try," Mrs. Wong said.

"Okay," Henry took a bite, "this is a good dinner, mom.  Thank you."

"You're welcome, honey."

Henry decided to change the subject to some good news. "Oh, I'm asked Rika to the dance this Friday."

Suzie grinned and poked her brother, "and you're still alive?"

Henry had to chuckle at least a little.  "Yup. She said yes."

"Wow, that's great, Henry," his older brother said.  

Suzie sighed, "I can't wait for my first date."

"We can," her parents said in unison and the family erupted with laughter.  After a laugh attack, Henry let out a sigh and picked at his food a little. It was so sad.  Jeri will never have the opportunity to have a family conversation during dinner again.  He never realized how much small things like this could mean to people.  He'd never take it for granted again.

Henry decided to do also unload the table and dishes.  While he was washing, he heard the sound of feet and a sweet voice.

"Need a hand?" 

Henry looked up to the voice. "Thanks, Suzie."

Suzie started to rinse the dishes he washed and put them in the drainer.  They talked a bit about school, things they didn't talk about at the dinner table already. After a silence and the dishes were all washed, ready to be rinsed and dried, Suzie picked up a plate and dried it with a towel.

Suzie looked up and smiled, "you know what, Henry?"

"Yeah, Suzie?"

"I'm glad you're my brother."

Henry gasped.  It was all he wanted to hear.  A tear ran down his cheek and he smiled.  "And I'm glad you're my sister."

_This is my last resort_

_Cut my life into pieces_

_I've reached my last resort_

_Suffocation_

_No breathing_

_Don't give a f*** if I cut myself bleeding_

_Do you even care if I die bleeding?___

Rika slammed her door and walked inside.  She was trying to be nice to Jeri, trying to let her know she understood how she felt and Jeri threw it in her face. It wasn't easy for her to be gentle, understanding after being so independent ever since her parents divorced.  She went straight into her room and sat on her bed wearing a scowl, holding the stuffed fox Henry gave her.

'I know what you're going through, Jeri,' Rika thought, 'I've been there.'

"Rika, you home?" her grand mother called.

"Yeah, Grandma, I'm here."

Her grandmother walked in, "oh, hi honey.  Hungry?"

"Not really." She muttered.

"Hey, where'd you get the fox?"

"From Henry."

"Oh?"

"He asked me to the dance this Friday," she explained.

"That's great, Rika!" she exclaimed, "Your mother will be thrilled. We'll go find you a dress."

"Not so great," Rika grunted, "Jeri won't be able to group with us because her dad and step mom are getting a divorce. I don't think I should go."

"Oh, that's awful, Rika!" Her Grandmother sat next to her.  "How's Jeri?"

"She's, well, not good," Rika said.  "Not herself.  I mean, how would you expect? She's been through too much already!"

"I'm sure she'll be okay soon."

"I don't want to go to the dance this Friday," Rika mumbled, "I mean, I was so happy when Henry asked me, but when I found out about Jeri, I don't think I should."

"Have you told Henry this?"

"No.  I talked to Jeri and she said for me to go with Henry."

"Then you should respect her wish, dear," Rika's grandmother said..  

"That's not what she really wants."

"Go with Henry like she told you to."

"The divorce hearing is the same day of the dance. I'd rather be with my friend than dance. They'll be other dances."

"Well, maybe you can go to both," her grandmother, suggested.

"Maybe."

"We'll talk about this when your mother comes home." 

"Okay."

Rika's grandmother stepped out of her room and Rika sighed.  She could barely remember the time when her mother and father got divorced.  All that legal stuff was too hard for her to understand when she was young.  She just remembered feeling very angry alone and didn't want Jeri to go through that by herself, like she had.

But if Jeri didn't want her there, what else could Rika do?

_Would it be wrong?_

_Would it be right?_

_If I took my life tonight_

_Chances are that I might_

_Mutilation outta sight_

_And I'm contemplating suicide___

****

Jeri wasn't sure what to do now.  She knew all her friends meant well, but there was nothing they could do to make the pain go away.  It was festering inside her and it was enough to make her go crazy.  She just took a shower, hoping it would wash all her pain and fear away, but it didn't.  Her skin might've been clean, but she didn't feel clean inside.  Tying her robe around her, a thought stuck her mind.  There just may be a way out.  She looked at the steel rod of the shower curtain.  Maybe if she died tonight, she would be free from this world, this world that had been so cruel to her.  Maybe she could try to escape to the digital world, but there wasn't much left of it anyway.  

"I guess I have no choice," Jeri whispered.  She pulled out her belt and stood up on the rim of the bathtub to tie a knot on the shower rode. "This will be easy."  

Jeri wrapped the other end around her throat and pulled tight.  She took one last moment, remembering her sad, sad life.

_I never realized I was spread too thin_

_Till it was too late_

_And I was empty within_

_Hungry!_

_Feeding on chaos_

_And living in sin_

_Downward spiral where do I begin?  
It all started when I lost my mother_

_No love for myself_

_And no love for another._

_Searching to find a love up on a higher level_

_Finding nothing but questions and devils.___

Jeri opened her mouth, able to say only one word.  "Mother."  She took one step off the rim and felt a tug on the belt.  Releasing herself into oblivion, she hung there still, waiting for her death.  'Any minute now.' Jeri didn't kick her feet or struggle to breath.  She closed her eyes and waited until her last breath.

But the unexpected happened.  She made a mistake by not tying a tight enough knot and the knot around her throat unraveled--as if an imaginary hand untied it--bringing Jeri to the floor.

Jeri opened her eyes. "No, still alive.  This wasn't supposed to happen this way.  Dammit, I can do nothing right.  Can't even tie a stupid knot!"  She stood up. "Oh well, I'll just try again. Maybe choking myself won't work."  She remembered the last time she tried suicide, choking herself with her puppet and letting the cables crush her.  That didn't work either.  There were dozens of way to kill herself.  She'd try again.  It was getting late and she was still too tired to think.  She'll come up with something later.

The next day at school, Jeri avoided all contact possible by her friends and they weren't sure how to approach her.  It wasn't that they didn't want to, but knew that everything they had already said to her, she'd heard it before and heard enough.  Henry wanted to tell her that he did do what she asked and started to be better to his family, especially Suzie.  That ought to make her feel better, but would it be enough to put a smile on her face?  He'd just continue to do what she asked and hopefully after the divorce was finer, she'd come back to them. It was a hard day for all them.

Then, when Jeri came home from school, she came up with a new idea to commit suicide.  It was quick, simple and even painless.  It was the perfect way.  She'd overdose on Aspirin.  Hey, she's been having killer headaches, maybe not just one, or two pills, but the whole bottle ought to get read of her headaches for good.  After getting a large glass of water, she went to the bathroom.  She opened the mirror cupboard and searched for the Aspirin.  

"Ah, there it is," she picked up the aspirin bottle and smiled, shaking it gently, "this is my ticket into paradise."  She popped off the lid and put four aspirin into her palm. There was about half a bottle left of aspiring and it would be too much for her to swallow at once, but it should be enough to slow her system down.  "Four at a time," she said, putting them into her mouth and taking a gulp of water. She was about to take another four pills when doorbell rang.  

Unsure what to do, Jeri froze.  Should she go and answer it?  Should she continue?

The doorbell rang again.

"Coming!" Jeri shouted, slamming down the Aspirin and her glass, muttering to herself.  When she left the bathroom, the Aspirin bottle tipped over and the pills fell down the sink.

Jeri ran to the door and opened it to see Mako and Ai.  "Uh, hello.  Can I help you?"

"May we please come in, Jeri?" Mako asked.

"I was in the middle of something," Jeri said.

"This will only take a moment."

"Please let us in," Ai added.

Jeri sighed, "Okay, okay. Sure, come on in."

"Thank you, Jeri," Ai said.

"Yeah, thanks." Mako said and the two came in.

"We heard about your parents." Ai started as she and her brother sat down.

"We're sorry," Mako said.

"It's okay."

"We also want to apologize for something else," Mako began.  "As Impmon's partners, it was our responsibility to keep an eye on him."

"Hey, you don't have to--" Jeri said.

"Please, just listen to us," Ai told her, "we should've told you this a long time ago.  You see, Impmon left because we fought all the time.  He didn't want to be around us and he wanted to digivolve so bad that he'd do anything for it.  If we just shared, maybe Impmon would've digivolved on our own. Then he wouldn't have went to the Digiworld and killed your partner.  We don't expect you to fogive us, but please don't be mad at Impmon anymore."

"He's really sorry," Mako added, holding his sister's hand, "and if he could change it he would.   If only things were different, we would've came to the Digiworld to help save Calumon, instead of fighting over our toys.  If you want to blame someone, blame us."

"We know you still miss Leomon," Ai whispered.  "But there's a part of him still alive."

"What?" Jeri asked.  "I don't understand."

"Well, he tried to save you from the D-Reaper remember? And he used Leomon's special attack."  Mako explained.  "He absorbed Leomon's data, so in a way, Leomon lives inside of Impmon."

Jeri's eyes widened. She remembered seeing Leomon's attack before Beezlemon tried to save her. She thought it was Leomon at first.  Why didn't she ever think of it before?  For a split second, Jeri felt that she couldn't morn of Leomon's death, because he really wasn't gone.

"I never thought of it…that way," Jeri mumbled.

"We also want to thank you, Jeri," Ai said.

"For what?"

"You saved Beezlemon in the digital world when Guilmon and Takato biomerged," Ai reminded.  "Thanks for doing that. You don't know how much that means to us."

"Well, I hated him for what he did…but him dying wouldn't bring Leomon back." Jeri smiled, "and I have an apology to give you."

"Apology?"

"I'm sorry I wouldn't let Beezlemon save me," Jeri said, "I just made things worse.  I also want to thank you, for being his partners.  Don't be weak, like I was, okay?"

"But you're not weak," Mako said.

Jeri cleared her throat.  She couldn't talk about Leomon's death anymore.  "I appreciate you coming by.  But I had to get back to what I was doing." She stood up and opened the door for them. "Goodbye."

"See you around, Jeri."  Ai said.

"Oh, if you hear from Masahiko," Mako said, "tell him to give me a call, okay?"

Jeri nodded. Masahiko and Mako were best friends.  "I will. Bye."  They walked out and left Jeri alone. Jeri waved at them and closed the door.  "Now, back to business," Jeri said, walking back to the bathroom. When she entered, she couldn't believe it.  "Oh no!" she cried, "the pills! They're almost all gone!" Jeri picked up the bottle and groaned. "Great…why can't I just die in peace?"

*****

As Jeri was walking home, she was thinking of a different way to kill herself.  Choking herself with her puppet didn't work.  Hanging herself didn't' work.  Even an overdose on Aspirin didn't work.  She thought of some mor ideas, what could she do?  She stopped at a crosswalk and waited for the light to change.  

"Hmm, hmm, there's got to be away," she whispered, folding her arms and holding her chin.  The sound of a car's engine entered her ears and she looked at the sound.  A jeep was turning the corner.

Hit by a car.  That was perfect!  Jeri waited until the jeep came close and just as she was about to jump in front of it, she felt a tug on her arm.

"Hey, girl!" 

Jeri groaned and turned around, "what?" she turned to see Rika with her mom and grandmother.  "Oh, hello."

"We're going dress shopping for the dance," Rika said.

"Why don't you come with us, Jeri?" Mariko asked.

{Author's Note: Isn't Mariko Rika's mother's first name?  Her grandmother said it once on her cell phone, but didn't quite catch it.}

"Uh, I'd like to but, um," Jeri said, "I'm not going to the dance."

"I know that your step mom and father are getting a divorce the same day," Rika's grandmother said, "and you won't be able to come to the dance, but that doesn't mean you're not welcome to join us."

"Yeah, Jeri," Rika said, tugging on her arm, "come on.  I'm not taking no for an answer. Besides, we might find something for you to wear on your court date."

"But--" Jeri mumbled.

"Please, Jeri, I can use your vote in case we find something that's not me!" Rika said.

Jeri groaned.  Another suicide attempt failed. She knew perfectly why Rika was doing this. She wanted to help her get her mind off what was happening but it wasn't going to work.  If her father and stepmother were getting along and they were going shopping together for a dress, it would be good fun.  But Jeri couldn't have fun anymore.

Rika came out of the dressing room with the tenth dress she tried on.  "I like this one!" she exclaimed, "what do you think, Jeri?"

Jeri looked up.  Rika was wearing a red and gold Chinese like dress.  Since her date was half Chinese, it would work. The past dresses she looked up and said the same line, "it's all right."   She smiled without meaning to.  "it's perfect, Rika."  

"See, Jeri agrees." 

"I think we have a winner, Mariko," Jeri's grandmother said.

Mariko didn't seem so sure, "I dunno, it doesn't' do much for your figure.  And that color.  Are you sure you don't want pink?"

"Pink's not my color," Rika muttered.

Jeri let out a laugh.  She wasn't sure why, but she found it funny. She didn't intend of having fun and she somehow was. Rika turned her gaze to Jeri.

"It's good to see you laughing again, Jeri," she said.

Jeri sighed and looked away.  "Listen, I need to get going."

"Okay, I'll just go and change," Rika said and turned back to her dressing room.

"Would you like a dress or something, Jeri?" Mariko offered.  "On the house."

"You mean, to wear to the hearing?" Jeri asked, "Well, okay."  'I just hope I die before then.'

They walked back to look at some dresses when Rika went out.  Jeri had her eye on a simple black dress. It was maybe just a divorce hearing, it seemed more like a funeral to Jeri. Rika sighed.  She had worn a black dress at her family's divorce hearing.  She could remember all too well, sitting there with just her grandma at her side. That wasn't a place for a young girl to be, but Rika wanted to witness their parents being together one last time.

"You sure you want to wear that?" Rika asked, "um…how about these slacks here?" she held up a pair of black silky slacks.

"Um, okay." Jeri reached for them a shrugged, "they're my size too. And I do wear a dress too often."

"And this white blouse would look really pretty with it," Mariko said, holing up a button-down blouse with bell-bottom like sleeves.   "Nice…thank you."

"Anytime," Mariko replied with a smile.  They paid for their purchase and Jeri went home disappointed.

'Well, then,' Jeri thought as she lay down to sleep, 'I'll just have to try again tomorrow.'

******

_Cuz I'm losing my sight_

_Losing my mind_

_Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine_

_Losing my sight_

_Losing my mind._

_Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine_

_Nothing's all right_

_Nothing is fine_

_I'm running and I'm crying_

_I'm crying_

_I'm crying_

_I'm crying_

_I'm crying___

Jeri had to work after school the next day and was coming up with another plan for suicide.  It seemed to be a slow day--virtually empty--and she looked for a way to kill herself.  Maybe she could burn herself with the oven or start a fire.  But there were other people around and she didn't want to be responsible for their deaths, just her own.  Jeri didn't want to hurt any more people.  She had to kill herself before something else happened.

She was wiping down the counter with her rag, dampened with a mixture of hot water and pine-smelling cleanser.  Then it dawned on her as she wet her rag again. Poison. That was it.  Poisoning herself should do the trick.  Jeri grabbed the bottle and hid underneath the counter.

"If this won't kill me," Jeri whispered, "then maybe it will leave me pine-smelling clean and fresh!"  She opened the lid and just as she were about to drink it, the bell on the door jingled as it opened.

_I can't go on living this way_

_Cut my life into pieces_

_This is my last resort_

_Suffocation_

_No breathing_

_Don't give a f*** if I cut my arm, bleeding!_

_Would it be wrong?_

_Would it be right?_

_If I took my life tonight_

_Chances are that I might_

_Mutilation outta sight_

_And I'm contemplating suicide_

The slow part of the day picked up.  Jeri groaned at her luck and sat up.  

"I will be right with--" she turned around, "Takato?"

"Hi, Jeri," he said, "Uh…" he glanced down, "Uh, what were you doing down there?"

"I was…just, cleaning up a spill," she lied, putting the cleaning agent under the cupboard and washed her hands. "So, uh, what can I get you, Takato?"

Takato sat upon the stool, "uh, a milkshake I guess."

"What flavor?"

"Strawberry, please."

"Heh, one of your favorites," Jeri said, drying her hands.  "Well, one strawberry milkshake coming up!" She picked up one the metal milkshake containers and worked on his milkshake with real milk and strawberry ice cream. She topped it with a strawberry and whipped cream and put a straw inside as she slid it to him.  "Here you go."

"Thanks, Jeri," Takato said, taking his strawberry and nibbling on it.  "I like it when you make my milkshakes.  You do it differently."

"How?" she asked, "I make them the same as everyone else here.  Same order and everything."

"Yeah, but you put in another ingredient," he said.

"I do? What?"

Takato blushed. He couldn't say it.  "You put…ah..um…l--lo--"

Jeri lifted an eyebrow and put her lower lip in a state of confusion, "What?"

"You put lo-oo, I mean, you put _kindness_ in it." Takato said, chuckling nervously, "Y-yeah, yeah, that's it.  You put kindness in everything you make.  That's why they taste so good!"

He nearly kicked himself.  He wanted to say love, but he couldn't.  He stirred the milkshake with his straw.  'Ah, man, that's not what I was meaning to say!'

"Oh," Jeri mumbled, feeling warmth come to her cheeks, "well, thank you, Takato.  No one has ever told me that before. But then again--no one orders as many shakes as you do!"

Takato smiled, "I'm sorry I haven't talked to you since Monday," he said, "when I told everyone about your--parents."

"It's okay, Takato. I want to be alone."

"I wanted to give you some time to think," he said, "and I didn't know what to say."

"Nothing you can say will change what happened, Takato," Jeri sighed, wiping the counter again.  

"But if you ever wanna talk, I'll listen."

"Thanks, Takato."

"Can we, um, hang out tomorrow?"

"The hearing's tomorrow, I can't."

"I know, but maybe after?"

"I don't think so," she mumbled, turning around to pick up the window cleaner and a paper towel. She walked around the corner to wipe down the windows.

"I know, how about I come with you?" Takato asked, turning around on the stool and slurping his milkshake.

"That's not a good idea."  She said as she sprayed a window and wiped it down.

"Why not?"

"It just isn't, okay?" she muttered angrily.

"Jeri…"

"I'm sorry, Takato, I just…have some work to do."

Takato looked around, "what?  It's so empty.  The only customer here is me, but then again, Thursdays never were that busy."

Jeri cracked a smile, "you come here all the time, don't you?"

Takato nodded, "mm-hmm.  Jeri, uh…I know you're upset, but don't worry, everything will turn out all right.  It'll be just fine, you'll see."

"You're wrong, Takato," Jeri grunted.  "Nothing is all right.  Nothing is fine.  Everything went all wrong when I lost my mother and just got worse from there.  I've never been _all right, _or _fine, _or even _peachy _and I'll never feel that way."

_Cuz I'm losing my sight_

_Losing my mind_

_Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine_

_Losing my sight_

_Losing my mind_

_Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine_

_Nothing's all right_

_Nothing is fine_

_I'm running and I'm crying._

"Don't be like that."

"It's true, Takato, you know it is."  Jeri heard enough, "and I don't need _you_ or anyone else to tell me I'm fine because I'm not!" she walked to the counter and put the window cleaner away.  "Don't worry about leaving me a tip or even paying for the shake. J-just go, Takato.  Leave, now."  Jeri walked into the kitchen and Takato was left sitting on his stool, surprised by her attitude.  Takato finished his shake and waited for her to come back out, which she didn't.  He sighed as he stood up and reached in his pocket to pay for his shake and leave a tip for Jeri.  He laid it down along with something else, a folded piece of paper.  Takato went to the doors and stopped to take one last look at the kitchen to see if Jeri would walk out.

"Jeri," he whispered and left the restaurant.

Jeri came back to the counter to collect her tip and put the rest of the money in the cash register.  She opened the folded piece of paper and gasped.  

It was a drawing of Leomon. 

Jeri bit her lip and tried to hide back her tears.  "Leomon," she whispered and put in her pocket.  'I've had enough of this.  I can't go on living this way anymore.  Tomorrow is my last chance.  I'll try again and this time…I won't fail.'

_I can't go on living this way_

_Can't go on_

_Living this way___

_Nothing's all right_

TO BE CONCLUDED.

Isn't this like the perfect song for Jeri, btw?


	6. Lend Me Strength

**A Crumb's Worth**

**Chapter 6**

**Lend Me Strength**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon._

Sleep was not easy for Jeri.  She was reliving every terrifying, horrible, sad moment as she lay in her bed.  She couldn't run away, even in her sleep.  Sweat, cold, icy sweat beaded across her forehead, dampening her hair and on her arms.  Jeri tossed and turned, shaking her head as she mumbled in her sleep.

"No, Mommy, don't leave me!" she said.  "Daddy, don't me mad at me!  Leomon, where are you?  You, quit talking in my voice!  Stop! No!"

*****

Jeri was inside the D-reaper with Calumon.  She wanted to choke herself with her puppet and when she tried, Calumon stopped her.  

"Don't do it, Jeri!" he shouted.

Before Jeri could offer her thanks, the D-Reaper's cables bound him down and pulled him away from her. 

"Calumon!" she shouted.  "No!  Leave him alone!"

 Cables grabbed her arms and legs, binding her to the wall.  She called for Takato as if she thought he could hear her.  But it's been a week until they tried saving her.  What if they given up?  Jeri believed she was on her own now.  

"I wish Leomon were here," she said pathetically.  "Then we'd have a better chance against the D-Reaper."

"You have no chance," ADR1--the J-Reaper-said, appearing in front of Jeri.  Jeri gasped.  The J-Reaper was like an evil clone of Jeri. She had her color hair but it was spiky, as if she put her finger in a light socket and even had the pigtail to the side.  It was talking in her voice.  "You're weak!  The only thing you're good for the energy you're giving the D-Reaper.  Jeri Katou, you are weak."

"You're wrong!" Jeri felt her mouth curve into a sneer.  "Stop talking in my voice!" She felt something burn inside her; all the bad feelings she carried around were rising to the top.  "You stole my hair and my voice! You may talk like me and you might even look a little like me, but you're not me and you never will me!  My friends will come for me!"

"Oh, but your friends are gone!"

"They'll be back!" Jeri shouted, wiggling in the cables.  "They won't give up!  I won't give up!" 

 She felt a sudden urge to fight back and she never felt that way, even in the Digiworld when she needed to fight back.  She hated fighting, maybe because she didn't like the violence or maybe because she believed she was weak or it could've been both.  Now she didn't have Leomon to protect her and all her cards were to go to waste.  Her friends may be on their way but Jeri didn't want to wait for them.  She had to do this on her own.

"I'm going to make you pay for taking over my body and fooling all my friends!" Jeri hissed, ripping her arm out of the cables and her brown eyes had anger in them. Eyes, so full of hate, so full of rage, eyes that Takato had when he made Guilmon digivolve into Megidramon.  It had scared Jeri to see them that way, but now she understood why.  Even though the digivolution was wrong, Takato wanted to make Beezlemon hurt. He wanted to make him pay. He had to fight back.  He had to defend himself and the others, even though the way he did it was probably wrong. Jeri now felt everything he did.  She wanted to make the D-Reaper pay for choosing her, choosing her for she was weak.

"You won't be able to stop us."

"Try me," Jeri muttered. "You call me weak? You're the one who has to possess a human just to evolve! I'll show you!"

"Resistance is futile, Jeri Katou."

"The name's LIONHEART!" Jeri broke free and attacked the J-Reaper. 

****

Jeri sat up in bed and put her hand to her forehead. "What a weird dream," she whispered, "I was fighting that--that thing that was talking in my voice.  It didn't end that way, I waited for the others to come and get me. I never was strong enough to fight back I wasn't even strong enough to begin weak.  I _am_ weak."  She sighed, "Still, maybe I should've stood up to the D-Reaper.  Why did I have to be so afraid?  I wish I fought back.  This will all be just a dream."

She pushed the covers away and got out.  "So this is the day," she whispered.  "The hearing is after school and it's the same time as the dance. I've got to make sure I won't make it to the hearing.  I can't fail. It's my last chance."

Throughout the day, Jeri wondered about the perfect way to commit suicide. It had to be flawless and she had to make sure nothing would stop her.  She couldn't have any interruptions.  Takato tried stopping her in the halls when he got a chance, but she walked by him as if he weren't even there.  She was concentrating. It wasn't until she came home when she came up with an idea.   

"Dad?" she asked.

The place was empty.  He probably was already at the courthouse.  Jeri walked in the kitchen and she saw the knives in the knife holder on the counter.  

"I know," she said, taking one.  "I'll cut myself." She turned to kitchen sink and held out her left wrist, while trying to keep a good hold on the knife.  "I've got to be sure I do this right."  She brought the knife to the end of her wrist and bit her lip as she pressed down. Her hand holding the knife slowly moved to the right and it cut her flesh. Jeri winced in pain but would not stop, pressing harder as she continued to pull.  The knife stopped half way and Jeri couldn't move it anymore.

"What's going on?" she wondered out loud.  "The knife won't move!" She tried to pull it, tried to push down.  But the knife was stuck in place.  It was like a spirit took over her body and wouldn't let her arm move.  Her left hand pulled away from the knife and the knife fell out of her hand and clanged on the sink.  "Hey!"

"No, Jeriiii," said a soft voice in the air.  "Don't do it."

"Who said that?" Jeri asked, looking around.  "My wrist…" she put her palm over her bleeding wrist.  "Oh…"  She grabbed a napkin and pressed it onto the cut.  She wasn't able to understand why she couldn't finish the job. What was it that stopped her? And who spoke to her?  Jeri went to the bathroom to clean out her cut.

"It hurts," she said, "why did I do this?"  She put some gauze on her wrist and taped it with bandaging tape. "How could I be so, so crazy?" She shook her head.  "I guess I'll just have to go to the hearing and bear it."

She heard someone walk in and her dad call.  "Jeri, are you here?"

"Yes, Dad."

"Get ready.  We'll be leaving for the hearing soon."

"Okay," she stepped out of the bathroom and walked to her room to get dressed.  She pulled out her blouse and slacks from her closet. While she undressed and got dressed in her finer attire, she wondered who was speaking to her earlier.  She could've sworn someone said her name when she slit her wrist.  The day didn't even seem real to her. When she finished getting dressed, she joined her father in the living room, already dressed for the hearing.

"I'm ready, Dad." She said, pulling on her left sleeve so he wouldn't notice the gauze.

"Good, now let's go."

*****

Takato sat in his room, looking out his window. He refused to come down for dinner and his mother left some cream puffs at his door for him, thinking it would make him feel better. He wore a blue shirt and khakis and his mind was on Jeri.

"He hasn't come out since he came back from school," she said to her husband.

"The Katous' divorce hearing is today," he said.  "That's probably why he's upset."  

The clouds got dark and it began to rain.  Takato walked up to the window and looked out.  

"Rain on a day like this," he mumbled, "it's just going to make Jeri's day even worse."  Takato didn't know what to do.  He didn't want Jeri to be alone tonight but after talking to her yesterday, she made it clear that she wanted to be alone.  Takato was certain that she didn't really mean it.  She needed a friend.  His mind recalled Kazu's words.

_"Someone's got to get her to open up and I think it should be you."_

Takato knew Kazu was right and he usually wasn't right about most things.  He had to be the one to get Jeri to open up, even if he were to get slapped in the face in the process. He didn't care. Jeri needed him.  

"I'm coming, Jeri," Takato said and opened the door about to step on the cream puffs.  He picked them up and went down the stairs.

"Takato, where are you going?" Takato's mother demanded.

"Courthouse," he replied, putting plastic wrap around the plate, "Jeri needs me.  Thanks for making the cream puffs Mom.  Jeri loves these."

"But Takato, it's raining out there!" she exclaimed.

"It's going to take more than a couple of raindrops to keep me away from Jeri," Takato said as he put on his jacket and he went out of the door.

She looked to where her husband was standing and he too was gone.  "Honey?"  
As Takato ran to the courthouse, he heard a car beeping at him.  Thinking that he was in the way, he got farther onto the sidewalk and ran faster.  The car flashed his lights and slowed down at him.

"Takato!"

"Dad?" Takato turned and his father stopped the car.

"Takato, get in."

"But Dad, I'm not going back home," Takato said, coming to the passenger side of the car.  "I said I'm going to the courthouse.  Jeri's losing her family today and she needs me there."

Takato's father grinned.  "I'm not taking you back home son.  I'm taking you to the courthouse.  You'll get there faster that way.   Besides, you know how yucky the cream puffs get when they're wet.  You don't want Jeri's day to get any worse with soggy cream puffs, do you?"

With a mouth full of water, Takato smiled and opened the door.  His dad always trusted him with his decisions.  When he told them he was leaving to go to the digital world and his mother wsa dead against it, he let him go.  He let him go take Jeri home.  He knew that Takato was becoming a man.

"Thanks, Dad," Takato said.

"I'm really proud of you, Takato," Mr. Matsuki said.  "You really care about your friends."

"Jeri's…more than just a friend to me, Dad." Takato said.

"I know."

They rode the rest of the way in silence and Takato dropped him off in front of the courthouse.  Takato was about to get out when his father decided to give him some fatherly advice.

"Takato, listen." He said, cutting off the engine. "A man becomes a man by not being strong for just himself, but for others that need it.  Now, Jeri is going through some hard, very hard times and I know she's thinking she could be strong on her own.  You've got to be strong for her now, like I'm strong for your mother."

Takato nodded, "Thanks Dad.  I'll be sure to let Jeri know."  He smiled and got out of the car, waved as he drove by and ran up the stairs and opened the double doors.  He saw Jeri sitting in the lobby.  "Jeri."

Jeri turned, "Takato? What are you doing here?" she demanded. "You shouldn't be here."

"Yes I should."  Takato insisted, coming to her side.  "Here's some cream puffs."

"You came just to give me cream puffs?" she demanded, "thanks Takato, but really, you need to go.  There's a dance tonight and--"

"I'd rather be here with you than at some lousy dance with someone else," Takato said firmly.  

"But you wanted me to go with you."

"Yes, Jeri, _you._ But it doesn't matter where we are.  I just wanted to be with you tonight.  I don't care if it's at the dance or at this courthouse, but I want to be with you. It's where I need to be.  Jeri, listen to me.  You don't have to go through this alone.  I'm here with you."

"Not now, Takato…" she said, getting up and walking away, "the hearing is about to start.  My parents are talking to their attorneys now."

"Jeri," Takato grabbed her by her left wrist. He felt the gauze and she let out a wince.  "What?"

Jeri took her hand away and pulled her cuff down so he wouldn't see it.  Takato felt something wasn't right.  Takato grabbed for her wrist again and pushed her cuff back.  "Jeri, what's this?"

"Nothing."  She mumbled.

"Nothing?" he questioned, pulling back the gauze and he found the cut. "You've cut yourself, Jeri."

"It was an accident," she lied, looking away.

"You're lying to me," Takato said.  "You cut yourself on purpose, didn't you?  Jeri, why?"

"Okay, so I tried to kill myself, okay?  I've tried every day this week but nothing seemed to work!" she shouted.   "Monday after I took a bath, I tried hanging myself with my bathrobe but the belt unraveled. Tuesday, I tried overdosing on aspirin but then someone knocked on the door. When I came back, the bottle must've tipped over and all the pills went down the sink.  On Wednesday, oh, you'll love this, I tried jumping in front of a jeep but then Rika grabbed me and asked me to go shopping with her.  Shopping with Rika, can you believe it?  Yesterday, just before you came to the restaurant, I was going to poison myself.  And today, I slit my wrist but the knife wouldn't move and I couldn't finish the job.  I guess I'm cursed.  I can't die.  I have to live with all the guilt and pain."

"Jeri, you're supposed to live," Takato insisted, "because there's people who need you. I understand why you tried this, you lost your mother and Leomon…but remember, a part of them will still be with you.  Masahiko and you're step mon will be a part of you."

"Stop saying that!" she shouted.  "I get sick of hearing that.  My father, the doctors…they told me a part of my mother would always be with me--but I never found her! I went looking for her and I'm still looking for her.  I want my mother now, by my side and I'll never, ever see her again.  Leomon told me that he'd be here with me but he's not here. No, he's not here.  I need someone to be physically here with me. Not just a _part._ I need someone by my side but everyone keeps disappearing!"

"You have someone, Jeri!" Takato exclaimed, grabbing her by the shoulders. "You do have someone here with you. I'm here, aren't I?  I'll always be with you!"

"Oh, really? But some day you might disappear too."

"No, I'm not ever going to leave you alone, Jeri.  You need me, day or night, come to me and I'll be there. You're welcome to the bakery whenever you want.  I left you alone when Leomon went away.  I left you alone when Beezlemon killed him.  I left you alone when we couldn't fight the D-Reaper, but that wasn't my choice, Jeri.  I wanted to stay with you and I did come back for you. I'm never going to leave you again, Jeri. I swear it!"

"Takato, I appreciate what you're saying," she said.  "But I should be left alone."

"No you don't!  You're afraid and confused.  You don't know what you want, but I do.  You need someone to be there for you, to take care of you and that's me, Jeri.  I'll always be there for you, no matter what! You're strong, Jeri."

"Strong, I've tried, Takato.  I've tried but I can't be strong all the time.  I can't."  She groaned.  "I had a dream last night.  I dreamt that I stood up to the D-Reaper. I probably should've done that but I was too scared and weak too.  I'm not strong, Takato.  I wasn't then and I'm not now. Being strong will only be just a dream."

Takato smiled, remembering what his father just told him. "Be strong when you can, Jeri.  But when you can't," he said, cupping her face.  "I guess I'll just have to be strong for you."

"You, you mean that?"

"With all my heart. I love you, Jeri."

Jeri smiled and put her hand over her mouth. Her eyes filled up with tears and she felt very weak.  "Oh, Takato!" she fell down to her knees and sobbed.  Takato sank wit her and pulled her into her arms.  He stroked her hair and rocked her.

"You just let it out, Jeri," he said, "I'm here. I'll always be here."

"Be strong for me now, Takato," she whispered between sobs, tightening her hands around his jacket.  "And forever.  At least...until I can be strong again."  
"Of course," he said, kissing her forehead.  I'll always be here.  Always."

*****

Rika was dancing with her date Henry Wong.  Though the decorations were pretty and she was with the one boy she really liked, her mind was on other matters and Henry noticed.  

"Rika, are you okay?" he asked.

"Huh?  Did you say something?"

"What's the matter?"

"I was just thinking of Jeri," Rika explained.  "She's losing her family today and I can remember when my parents were divorced. I know what's she's going through Henry and I don't like it all.  I became very cold and withdrawn after my parents were divorced.  I wanted nothing to do with others.  Jeri may become the same way. I don't want her to become with me.  I think we should go to the courthouse and be with her."

"I bet Takato's with her."

"Me too," Rika said, "but it's not enough.  Henry, I was alone when my parents got divorced. I had no friends.  I wish I had friends to be with me.  I want that for Jeri.  I want to give her that chance.  She's just a good person and I don't want her to feel lonely, like I did.  We should let her know we care."

Henry smiled, "Rika, you can be so cold one minute and so caring the next."

"Well," Rika blushed, "some people can bring that out in me.  You don't have to come if you don't want to but I really feel like I'm needed there."

"I'll come," Henry said, "My feet are beginning to hurt anyway."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she demanding.  "I haven't stepped on them!"

Henry chuckled and kissed her on the forehead, "I was only joking.  Let's go."  He tugged on her hand and they began to leave.

"Where are you two going?" Kazu asked, who was dancing with Nikki.

{AN: Nikki's the girl Jeri was talking to when Jeri asked Takato if digimon was all they ever talk about.  She said something like, "Come on, Nikki, let's go do something more important"}

"To the courthouse," Rika replied.  "I want to be with Jeri."

"You can stay here if you want to but we're going to be with Jeri," Henry said.

"Hey, no way, if Jeri sees that I haven't come too," Kazu said, "I might get slapped again!"

Nikki laughed, "well, I guess I'm with you, Kazu."

They left the floor and Kenta was being a wallflower.

"Would you rather stay here and be a wallflower, Kenta?" Kazu asked, "or go see a friend in need?"

"Huh?" Kenta asked.

"We're going to see Jeri." Rika explained.  "She needs us." 

Kenta nodded, "sounds like a plan."

A girl screamed and the others looked in the direction of the sound.  They saw Ryo approaching them with a punch stain on his tux.  "I can tame a digimon that wants to fight all the time," he said, "but I can't tame women."

Rika laughed, "ain't that the truth."

Ryo stared.

"Well, ace," Kazu said, "we're going to the courthouse to see Jeri. Bye."

"Are you sure you can do that?" he asked.  "You can't just enter a court session."

"Oh no?" Rika demanded. "Come on, Henry." She tugged on his arm and a pack of angry girls came up behind Ryo.

"There he is! Get him!" 

Ryo gasped and ran after the others, "hey wait!  Jeri's my friend too!  Guys, wait!"

*****

Takato sat right at Jeri's side the whole time, holding her hand.  Jeri gave him a squeeze every so often and when she was called to the stand to witness, Takato squeezed her hand, stood up and hugged her.

"It'll be okay, Jeri," he said, whispering into her ear.  "I'm here."

Jeri nodded and went up to the stand.  As she sat down, seven young adults, a bit wet from the rain, walked in.  Jeri stared as they came up and sat in the row behind Takato. Takato turned and nodded to them.  Jeri felt her eyes tear up.  Her friends came.  She didn't expect them to but they came.  They knew she needed them and though they could be having fun at a dance, they came in her moment in need.  Jeri couldn't ask for better friends. She answered the questions the attorneys asked her calmly and before the attorneys said they had no further questions, Jeri asked to say something and the judge let her. Jeri turned to the judge.

"Your honor, these eight young people that are here today are my friends.  They're probably not supposed to be here but they came anyway.  I didn't have an easy life and I bet it's not going to be so easy as I mature."  Jeri nodded to her friends, "but I still have my friends.  Your honor, my mother died when I was a child and I never recovered from it. I miss my birth mother very much.  My second mother was very good to me but I wouldn't get close to her because I was afraid she'd take my mother's place.  Now, God took my mother away and you can take my stepmother and half brother away, but no one's going to take my friends away from me.  I need them.  I can't afford to lose any more people."

Reliving the moments of her parent's divorce hearing, Rika bit her lip, shed a few tears and squeezed hard on Henry's hand.  Nikki did the same to Kazu.  Kazu wanted to stand up and applaud Jeri for her speech.  Ryo nodded at Jeri. Kenta was wiping tears away from behind his glasses and Takato looked as if he couldn't be more proud of Jeri.  Jeri stepped down and said a quick hello to her friends as she sat next to Takato.  After a few more testimonies, the session was over.  Jeri jumped up.

"I can't believe you're all here!" Jeri exclaimed in a whisper.  "Thank you so much for coming.  It was easier having you here."

"I just wanted to give you the chance that I never got," Rika said, standing up.

"It was your idea?" Jeri asked.

"Sure was," Henry answered for her.

"Rika, thank you!" Jeri cried and embraced Rika.  "This means a lot."

Rika patted her friend's back.  "You're welcome, Jeri."

Jeri went down hugging all her friends and she kissed Kazu on the cheek, as a way for apologizing.  "I'm surprised to see you here."

"Hey, you think getting slapped is going to keep me away when my friend needs me?" Kazu asked with a grin.  "Come on!"

"Since you couldn't come to the dance we thought we'd bring it to you," Ryo winked.

Jeri laughed, "had some trouble with the punch bowl?" she pointed on the stain on his tux, which he tried to hide.  

Jeri's step mother stood up and walked to her.  "It's time for me to go now.  But I--"

"I know," Jeri said, "you're still be a part of me…Mom."  

She gasped.  Jeri had never called her stepmother 'Mom.'  Jeri hugged her quickly and looked at Masahiko. "Take care, Masahiko."

"You too, Jeri," Masahiko said.

The siblings hugged each other and her step mom and half brother left.  Jeri could've cried but she didn't.  She had her friends with her and that were all that mattered.

"Jeri, you okay?" Takato asked.

"I'm going to be fine, Takato," she said, nodding.  "Thanks."  
*****

Two months later Jeri was having her sixteenth birthday party.  The last two months without her stepmother and half brother was of course difficult, but she was able to get through it with her friends.  Rika wasn't one to like shopping and Jeri wasn't really either, but it was something they did together almost every weekend with either Rika's grandmother, Mariko or both.  Rika was there for Jeri and Jeri was also there for Rika since they both had divorced parents.  Rika asked her mother for her father's address and Jeri helped her mail the letter.  She and Kazu talked a lot in study hall and she sometimes even helped him with his homework.  

But the one friend that helped her most of all, was Takato.  He became an employee at her family's restaurant as sometimes a cook and busboy and waiter.  Sometimes Jeri took up on his offer and visited him in the middle of the night.  He kept the window open after the third night she came to him so that instead of tossing rocks at his window or calling him, she could just climb up the tree and straight into his room.  Most of the time Takato would be expecting her and he'd already be awake sitting at the edge of the bed or standing by the window, ready to help her in.  Takato remembered the first time she came to him.

_"Jeri, what are you doing here?" he asked her._

_"You said I could come anytime," she said.  _

_"Anything wrong?"_

_"No, not really.  I just want to thank you for everything you've done," she told him with a smile.  "Takato, you've been nothing but wonderful to me.  I could kiss you…I think I will."  Then she stepped forward, cupped his face and kissed him on the lips. He smiled, blushed and kissed her back.  _

_"I'll always be here, Jeri," he promised as he held her in her arms.  "You can count on that."_

"Kazu, I can't dance anymore," Jeri insisted as she was dancing with Kazu to a fast song.  She fell against him and he propped her up. 

"Oh please, Jeri, just one more!"

"Come on, Kazu," Henry said, "Takato might get jealous when he gets here."

"Where is Takato anyway?" Jeri asked with a frown.  "I thought he'd be here."

"He told me he'd be here," Kazu said, "Just had a little errand to run first."  He looked passed Jeri, "well, there he is.  You're late, chumly!"

"Takato!" Jeri ran to him and threw her arms around him, "I was afraid you wouldn't come."

"I wouldn't miss your sweet sixteenth birthday, Jeri," Takato said.  "I brought someone to see you." He stepped to the side and behind him was her stepmother and half brother. 

"Mom! Masahiko!" she exclaimed, "You made it!" she hugged them and hugged Takato. "Oh thank you, Takato!"

"You're welcome," he said and a slow song came on the stereo. "May I have this dance with the birthday girl?"

"You bet," Jeri replied and took his hand.  They began dancing and Takato glanced at her left wrist.  There was a small scar from the knife.

"Hard to believe you're having a party after all this, isn't it?" Takato asked.

"No, not really," she said.  "I mean, it seemed that way then but it doesn't now.  Takato, you remember when you came to see me at the courthouse? And you saw this?" she showed him her wrist.

"Yes."

"And I said I'll never find my mother?" 

He nodded. "I remember."

"I think I've found her," she said, "my mom has been a part of me since she died, I just didn't know she was there.  I heard her speak to me after I cut myself.  I think she stopped me from cutting myself anymore and I bet it was her that kept me from hanging myself.  I have found her. She was my guardian angel.  I found Leomon too. He said a part of him would be with me and he did come for me.  Beezlemon had his data and used his attack to save me…so…Leomon lives in him."  Jeri smiled, "I'm not as alone as I thought I was.  I'm so happy.  I've never felt so happy, Takato.  You and everyone lent me your strength and I'm strong now. Strong because of you."

Takato kissed her quickly on the lips and she leaned against him as he held her.  "And I'm strong because of you, Jeri. Thanks to you, I know what it means to be strong."

Jeri held on him tighter.  As long as she had her friends, especially Takato, she wouldn't have to worry about loneliness again.

_The End. This fanfic is dedicated to someone who lost a parent, with divorced parents or complicated suicide.  I have thought about suicide myself, but did not act upon it.  I hope this story has touched your heart, because it touched mine.  I'm with you._


End file.
